Without Esmerelda
by Hallow Sisters On My Mind
Summary: Ethel returns to school for her second year of school and it isn't long until she starts to miss Esmerelda and the guilt starts to get to her.
1. Chapter 1 - Arriving

A/N: Welcome to my new story. This is one I have wanted to write for a while. I saw a drastic change in Ethel during series two and it was clear to me she was suffering without Esmerelda even if her not being there was partially her fault. I think Ethel has changed the most in character and during series two I think that showed the most so in this story Ethel will be struggling to cope without Esmerelda, the guilt of what she has done and finding it hard to move on. This first chapter is based on Series Two Episode One: Tortoise Trouble, at least some of it is. I hope you enjoy this first chapter.

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_**Without Esmerelda**_

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Chapter One

**Arriving**

Thousands of broomsticks hovered over the castle of Cackles Academy for witches, as young girls from every corner of the country made their way to their boarding school. Today was the first day of term after six weeks of summer, and the new school year was going to begin very soon.

Two of the pupils who were flying were very blonde. One of the students looked completely at ease as she flew towards the castle, obviously to any eye she was a good flier, the girl next to her was the opposite, she looked like she was terrified of being in the air and yelped as her broomstick lowered slightly.

"What is the matter?" the other girl said rolling her eyes, she had being enjoying her flight before Sybil had made a fuss.

"Sorry Ethel, I think I'm just a bit nervous" Sybil replied biting her lip worried.

"Of what?" the older sister Ethel asked her younger sister.

"Flying, falling off, losing my powers like poor Esmerelda" Sybil replied. Ethel felt a stab in that moment at the mention of their elder sisters name but she shook her head and turned to Sybil.

"Sybil, you're a Hallow aren't you?" Ethel asked. Sybil nodded, wearing an expression like she wasn't sure she wanted to be.

"Then you will be absolutely fine" Ethel replied just as a sheet of paper landed right on her face, knocking her clean of her broomstick. Sybil stared at her horrified.

Things just happened quickly after that. Ethel realised the paper was Mildred's and landed on the roof. Mildred joined them and went to take her assignment when she slipped and fell of the roof, she was left hanging by her robes, and in doing magic to escape destroyed half the school and this meant that half of the bedrooms were demolished.

* * *

Ethel was unable to believe that Mildred had done something so stupid so quickly, the girl already was not in a good mood as she was having to babysit, she loved her sisters, even if people think she didn't but Sybil at times irritated her because she was scared of everything and never wanted to be alone.

"Here is your assignment, if it is as good as your landing we will be in for a treat" Ethel said sarcastically as she handed it to Mildred. Mildred took it before thanking her for catching it.

"With your face" Enid replied. Ethel glared at the dark skinned girl, before walking away. Sybil walked over to her in that moment and Ethel sighed.

"Guess what I am in purple house too" Sybil said holding her brand new purple belt and uniform. Ethel smiled, at least Sybil was not a disgrace by ending up in Mildred Hubble's house.

"Great, as you should be" Ethel said not asking her if she was head of year. She could see by her plain belt she wasn't. Ethel actually felt relieved, anywise she would of being the only sister to fail at achieving that role.

"Will you help me find my room?" Sybil asked, scared to do it herself. Ethel turned to Felicity to talk.

"Catch up later Felicity" Ethel told her before leading Sybil to her room, knowing it was best just to help her because if Sybil got lost she would get upset and if she got upset on her first day because she was lost, everyone would blame her for leaving her.

"It is just down here" Ethel told her sister as she walked down the corridor. Sybil ran a little to keep up with her sister as she opened the door and walked into an empty bedroom with just a bed, window and bedside cabinet in it.

"Yes this is your room, of course being a Hallow they gave you a large one" Ethel replied knowing some rooms varied in size and her and her sisters normally had fairly large ones.

"Yes it's a nice room" Sybil said nervously. Ethel nodded and in the back of her mind she wondered who had Esmerelda's old room or if they were using it, she didn't like the thought of someone being there instead of her, but she could sense Sybil was looking at her so she turned to her, not letting on to what was going through her head.

"Right well I am not going to unpack for you, I need to unpack myself, I have HB first and I don't want detention on the first day for being late, see you later Sybil" Ethel said. Sybil squeaked but knew Ethel had to go at some point. Ethel turned and left the room, before Sybil could get upset and beg her not to.

Ethel left her sisters bedroom and wondered if she should take a detour, she wanted to see who was in Esmerelda's old bedroom, if anyone, it was just one more flight of stairs and she would be there, only Ethel knew if someone was there she would have a go at them, even though they hadn't chose to go there, that is why she turned and walked towards her bedroom, she didn't want to get in trouble on her first day.

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Ethel dragged her trunk up the stairs and moaned to herself at to how heavy it was, she wished she knew the transfer spell so she didn't have to do this. She finally got it to the top of the stairs after a lot of heaving and Nightstar meowed at her angrily for putting her carrier down to harshly. She remembered last year when Esmerelda had helped her with her case, between the two of them it had gone much quicker. Then Esmerelda had led her to her bedroom and spent a great deal of time fussing over the room and her. At the time Ethel had snapped and told her to stop fussing as she was making her feel nervous, now Ethel wished she was here to do that.

Ethel dragged her trunk to her bedroom, walking down the corridors she had got familiar with the year previously. It felt strange to be back after six weeks away but she knew before long it would not feel strange, she was just about to drag her trunk and Nightstar's carrier inside when she heard someone call her name and stopped.

"Oh its you" Ethel said in a less than thrilled way as she saw Maud stood in front of her. Maud looked at Ethel as if she was not enjoying having to talk to her either.

"The feeling is mutual" Maud said looking at Ethel annoyed.

"Yes yes we aren't friends, what do you want Spellbody?" Ethel asked just wanting to go in her room and have a bit of time to herself.

"As head of year, it is my job to inform you that because the mirror room was….demolished, They have temporary moved the room to the old storeroom on the third floor" Maud said and Ethel glared at her, the way she had said she was head of year, she was just trying to rub it in.

"Well if Mildred hadn't of destroyed half the school we wouldn't need to of moved the room, as head of year isn't it your job to make sure the students behave? You aren't doing a very good job" Ethel replied bitterly towards the girl with bunches.

"Oh what's wrong Ethel?, are you still upset you aren't head of year, it's being a year Ethel get over it" Maud replied, shaking her head.

"I don't need to get over anything, I don't want to be a stupid head of year" Ethel replied angrily. She looked at Maud knowing she had to calm down but she couldn't help it, after everything last year she was much more edgy and much easier to make snap.

"Is that it Maudy or do you have something else to tell me?" Ethel replied. Maud rolled her eyes but shook her head.

"No, that is it" Maud replied. Ethel took two steps away from the girl.

"Then if you excuse me, some of us have to unpack" Ethel said dragging her trunk and Nightstar's carrier in her room and closing the door. She looked around the familiar bare room from last year and paused. It was quiet for once, she could no longer hear the sounds of students walking and chatting outside, no it was just her and no-one else. She sat on her bed and looked around sighing. She could feel this year was going to be a bad one for her, all she hoped was no-one dared to mention the name Esmerelda Hallow because right now Ethel was not sure she could take hearing that name, no she had to not think about her sister, because thinking about her only hurt.


	2. Chapter 2 - Missing Project

A/N: Some based on Series Two Episode One Tortoise Trouble. Enjoy.

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Chapter Two

**Missing Project**

Ethel sat there for a few minutes, until Nightstar started to meow angrily at having not being allowed out her carrier yet and stuck in a cage. Ethel walked over to the carrier and unlocked the gate and Nightstar walked out with a less then impressed expression before she stretched. Ethel sighed before she spoke.

"Sorry Nightstar, I didn't mean to leave you trapped in there, I just needed a few minutes alone" Ethel said stroking her cat, who purred and pushed into her hand, forgiving her.

"I suppose we better unpack the rest of this stuff" Ethel said after stroking her cat a few more times. Nightstar followed Ethel as she walked to her trunk and then lay down on the lid once she opened it, purring contently. Ethel smiled at her as she unpacked her clothes, which she didn't have many off as she had to always be in uniform anyway. She put her spare uniforms and PE gear in a drawer and then went to unpack her books. Most of the books were not required but Ethel had to bring enough to make sure she always had something to read. It took her a good half an hour to move all her books onto the bookshelf because she had so many, and the girls did not learn cleaning spells until forth year, after all, it wasn't vital, just made life easier.

After she had finished unpacking her books and making sure to leave her current reading material 'Magic in the nineteenth century" on her bedside table for easy access and ready for her to pick up, she moved on to the last part in her trunk. Her personal possessions. For someone who was rich, and had everything, she had not brought much in the way of personal things. A wash bag of course, extra hair bobbles and bows for emergencies, varies cat figures she had from over the years, her notebook, her diary (which she put in her pillow case, away from prying eyes) and the last thing was at the bottom of her trunk. Ethel picked up a framed photo and looked at it as she removed it from her trunk. It was off her and her sisters, taken over the summer at a book signing in a local library, Sybil had being bored stiff at first but had enjoyed herself in the end because she loved the book, of the series, that they got signed 'Superwitch' a favourite amongst young witches and then they had gone for pizza. It was such an exciting day they had all temporary forgot Esmerelda's position, how she had no magic and had enjoyed their time together so much. All three girls were beaming in the picture, holding up their books from the signing with one hand and with their arms around each other with the other. Ethel stroked her thumb over the photo, and smiled sadly, the good memories hitting her as she looked at it, and the reality of the truth to what had happened hitting her afterwards. Ethel jumped out of her skin and nearly dropped the photo when someone knocked on her door. Embarrassed, for reasons she didn't know, Ethel put the photo away in the drawer of her bedside table and said 'come in' as she picked up a hairbrush to put on her dresser.

* * *

"Hi Ethel" Felicity said as she walked in with Gloria Thistle. Gloria had only started at this school today but Felicity had become fast friends with her.

"This is Gloria" Felicity said, introducing the blonde girls to each other. Ethel saw the girl was in green house and was just relieved it was not red. Ethel faked a smile, not in the mood for this right now. Felicity though didn't give Ethel much time to respond as she went right in with the reason she had come to her room.

"Everyone's talking about Esmerelda, is it true she is not magic anymore?" Felicity asked bluntly. Ethel for a moment froze in what she was doing, but she knew she had to face it, people were going to talk, wheather she wanted to talk about the eldest sister or not.

"Mother told us not to say anything" Ethel replied sadly as she took her homework files out of her bag and walked to her desk to put them on there so she knew where they were. Ethel hoped Felicity and Gloria would get the hint she didn't want to talk about this.

"But she isn't coming back to school?" Felicity went on, obviously still curious about the whole thing.

"Not for now no" Ethel replied. In all honestly she had wanted to give a sarcastic response but right now her heart was hurting to much to even bother trying to think of a sarcastic reponse to that.

"It must be strange, especially with Drusilla changing schools, I heard she is at Pentangles now" Felicity said. Drusilla's parents had immidetaly taken her out of Cackles after the events of the year previously, thinking they would rather pay if it meant their daughter was out of harm. Ethel in all honestly had never being particularly fond of the girl, she was just the person who tagged along with her, so she hadn't being that upset, but in losing Drusilla and Esmerelda, it had knocked Ethel slightly, because she knew nothing would be like her first year. Ethel shrugged in an uncaring way as she heard Gloria and Felicity discussing Drusilla being lucky for moving and why Miss Pentangle was the best. Ethel though didn't reply, not feeling up to it.

"Just our luck to have HB first isn't it? I was hoping we could get through the first day without having to have Miss Stessbroom on our case" Felicity went on. Ethel was in agreement there but for once was happen that she did have HB first as she could use her as an excuse to be alone.

"Yes, it is awful, I need to finish unpacking before her lesson and check on my sister, so I will see you later" Ethel said. Gloria and Felicity looked at each other finally getting the hint.

"Alright, see you soon Ethel" Gloria said as her and Felicity left. It was only then as they left, Ethel realised she didn't have her summer homework for potions, the file she had packed was not even hers. Sybil had packed her trunk, and had left it behind. Ethel made a grunting sound and left her room, walking towards Sybil's room.

* * *

When Ethel stormed in, she found Sybil with two other girls talking and when she walked in they hid something behind their back and she could swear Sybil had just drank something but right now Ethel didn't care about that. As she entered, one of them started to introduce herself.

"Hello you must be Ethel, I'm..." the girl said before Ethel cut her off.

"Sybil, you didn't pack my project for HB, I told you to get the folder from mum's room and put it in my bag, you got me one of Esmerelda's old folders, did you even bother to look at the name?" Ethel asked angrily because she knew she was going to be in trouble, and because now she was being forced to talk about Esmerelda when she didn't want to.

"There was only one folder in there, I did as you asked me to do" Sybil replied, knowing she had gone in her mothers room and saw the folder in there and put it in her sisters trunk like she was told, she hadn't looked at names because that wasn't her job, and there was only one so she had just assumed it was Ethel's.

"Sybil HB is going to skin me alive, have you any idea what you have done?" Ethel asked her sister but whatever her sister had just drank clearly took affect in that moment.

"You left it behind" Sybil said bravely standing up to Ethel.

"Excuse me!?" Ethel said in shock as to what her sister was saying.

"I packed the folder, and you unpacked the trunk again when you decided it wasn't neat enough and Esmie's old folders you had being storing must have gotten mixed up with your one, if you left it behind that's your fault" Sybil said. Closing her mouth unable to believe she had just said that.

Ethel stated at her sister in shock before turning around and leaving, slamming the door. Beatrice and Clarice, Sybil's new friends, jumped.

"Is she always like that?" Clarice asked, thinking how unhealthy it must be for someone to have so much anger stored up in them like that. Sybil sighed, knowing deep down Ethel's temper had gotten ten times worse recently but she didn't want to tell her friends that.

* * *

Ethel did not know what she was going to do, she couldn't call her mum, she wasn't talking to her, plus she doubted she would bring it, she would say Ethel has to face the consequences of her silliness. Ethel looked at her watch and saw she still had forty minutes until her lesson started, she walked to her room, trying to think of a project she could quickly throw together, but before she got there she heard talking from Mildred's room, curiously she walked up the stairs and in the room, under the bed, she found a talking tortoise under the bed. Ethel smirked to herself. She had found a new project.

"Come on, I have to ask you something" Ethel asked taking the tortoise and going into her room. She took Mildred's essay, went to her room, copied it then threw the project in the bin, the problem was the tortoise.

Ethel left her room, grabbed her broomstick and flew, dumping the tortoise in a tree. She felt bad, because she loved animals but in that moment she was hurting and she wanted to hurt Mildred instead. Plus after last year, she was on thin ice, she needed a project.

"Great idea for a project, thanks Hubble" Ethel said to herself with a laugh as she flew back towards the castle, arriving back just in time for her potions lesson. Ethel was looking forward to seeing the look on Mildred's face when she realised she had stolen her project, and it meant Ethel would get the credit as no-one would ever know.


	3. Chapter 3 - Bad Day

A/N: Before someone reviews this I know Ethel is being harsh to Mildred in this. The whole point is these are Ethel's thoughts about the situation and in the story she is supposed to be more angry than normal. I don't hate Mildred at all, but the fact is Ethel doesn't like her.

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Chapter Three

**Bad Day**

Things for Ethel, as they often do, did not go to plan. She did present the project and everyone was very impressed of course but Mildred of course complained she had copied but had no evidence and for a while it seemed Ethel had got away with it….until they found Einstein the tortoise, thanks to Sybil spotting him in the tree and flying up to rescue him, who told the teachers everything and after finding Mildred's project in the bin, Ethel had being forced to admit she had left hers behind and was given two thousand lines to be handed in to Miss Hardbroom by the end of tomorrow.

That is what Ethel was currently doing. Sitting at her desk writing the line 'I must not copy other people's work' knowing if she didn't do it, she could be out the door, HB and Cackle were already not happy with her after last year. Ethel was annoyed, why does she always end up failing at everything in the end?, she couldn't win, if she had told HB the truth she would still be sat here doing lines, and not only that, now Mildred was deemed a hero because she had found that stupid foundlng stone through her clumsiness, and not many witches alive could say they had seen one before. It just wasn't fair, if Ethel was clumsy and destroyed the school through the clumsiness she would probably end up finding old rats dropping or something, definitely not something she would get recognition for.

Ethel was also annoyed at Sybil, yes she knew Sybil had not done it on purpose but now she was friends with them stupid first year girls and they were trying to help Sybil be braver and a good samaritian. Ethel groaned in anger and threw her pen down, two hundred lines now written. She opened and closed her hand, trying to get rid of the cramp in it.

"Stupid Mildred, stupid tortoise" Ethel moaned as she paced her bedroom. It was the first day back and it had already being awful. She was just sitting on her bed, to have a small rest and read some of her book when someone knocked.

"What?" Ethel replied rudely. The last person Ethel wanted to see walked in, looking angry herself.

"Mildred Hubble, why are you in my room?" Ethel said, her eyes darkening with anger at seeing her in her bedroom, this was her own room where she could escape people who annoyed her.

Mildred though ignored her and closed her door, stepping further into the room before she started to speak.

"I want the truth, why did you take Einstein?" Mildred asked, looking at the girl with blazing anger.

"I told you already, I needed a project, it is your fault, you programmed the tortoise to talk but not to shut up when he didn't need to and I happened to hear him" Ethel replied frustrated and not wanting to talk about this again.

"Ethel I have you down as a lot go things, but cruel to animals is not one of them" Mildred went on, not understanding why Ethel was doing this. Yes Ethel was not normally nice but this was a different level of nasty.

"I wasn't cruel to him! I was gentle with him and placed him so he wouldn't fall, and I am not going to talk anymore about it, I have told you why I did it and that is all you are getting" Ethel remarked angrily. Mildred wondered if she had picked the right time to come, Ethel was clearly not in the mood and it would be hard to reason with her.

"Ethel, you can't treat people like this, just because you are upset Esmerelda..." Mildred said but she didn't get to utter another word because Ethel turned from annoyed to looking like she was about to explode like a volcano erupts lava, in the space of a few seconds.

"HOW DARE YOU, YOU KNOW NOTHING, GET OUT" Ethel shouted at her and Nightstar, who had being lying on the bed sleeping comfortably, jumped up and shot under the bed at the volume of Ethel's voice.

"But Ethel..."Mildred said, she had not finished saying what she wanted to.

"Are you deaf as well as annoying?" Ethel said cutting Mildred of again. "GET OUT NOW" Ethel shouted.

The next thing that happened was for Mildred at least very weird. It was as if she was going fast through a tunnel she felt her body backing out of Ethel's bedroom and stopping in the corridor before the door slammed shut on her. Mildred was confused as to what had happened, but had to admit Ethel had very good knowledge of spells. Knowing though Ethel would not listen to a word she said when she was so angry, Mildred walked back to her bedroom, deciding to let the fight go for now.

* * *

Ethel had her back against her bedroom door, breathing heavily as anger raged through her body, how dare she, how dare she! Ethel thought to herself. This girl who didn't know Esmerelda all that well and had ran out the castle to save the school and left Ethel to be the one to save Esmerelda and get no credit for it, thought she had the right to just casually throw Esmerelda's name around, as if she understood the situation, or what happened. She had not even being there, she was at home because she had being expelled for leaving the school when it was forbidden and had stupidly released Agatha out of her hiding place. It was her that had gave the woman the opportunity to go back to Cackles and here she was acting as if it mattered to her. If Ethel had being angry before she was now ready to go off at that.

Ethel reached forward and grabbed the first thing on her desk which was a book and then she lodged it at the wall, feeling better as she watched it fall to the floor. Nightstar stayed hidden under the bed, to scared to come out.

Ethel left the room, needing to clear her head and have some fresh air, she knew if she stayed in her bedroom she would end up trashing the place, so she closed the door and walked outside into the grounds, needing to calm down.

Ethel sat by the pond, the one Mildred and Maud had crashed into at selection day and closed her eyes, knowing it was not good to get so angry. She sat there for ten minutes before going back into the castle, to finish off the lines she had to give to Miss Hardbroom tomorrow.

* * *

A few hours later, Ethel was waiting outside the mirror room, preparing to mirror home. Sybil appeared with Beatrice and Clarice and walked over to Ethel with a small smile.

"Should we go in together? Esmerelda says she wants to see us both" Sybil commented. Ethel nodded, knowing Esmerelda wanted to talk to them both together like they normally did at home. There was about five people in front of them and they leaned against the wall to wait for their turn, neither girl saying much as they were both sad at the aspect at having to talk to Esmerelda who wasn't here.

Finally half an hour later, they were walking into the mirror room and held up the card with her name on it. Esmerelda appeared sitting on her bed, waiting for them and beamed when they appeared.

"Ethel, Sybil!" Esmerelda said in the excited way Esmerelda said their names whenever she saw them.

"Esmie guess what? I made two friends, their names are Clarice and Beatrice!" Sybil replied, bursting with happiness because she had thought she would end up friendless and have no-one to talk to. Esmerelda smiled relieved. She had being extremely worried about Sybil getting really upset and not having anyone to talk to, so she was so happy she had made friends already.

"That is fantastic Sybie" Esmerelda replied using the nickname she used for the youngest before turning to the middle sister "How are things with you Ethie?" Esmerelda asked using her nickname too.

"Don't even ask" Ethel replied, still angry from earlier. Esmerelda was worried about what had happened but by her expression she knew not to push it. Ethel would only rage at her if she prodded to much.

"Well I am sure it will get better Ethel, I am going to try visit soon, so don't worry" Esmerelda replied, planning to visit her sisters soon as she missed them, but not yet anywise she knew Sybil would never settle in.

"I can't wait!" Sybil replied, excited for her loving oldest sister to visit her. Ethel smiled too, she wanted her to visit to and that cheered her up after her bad day.

"How are things at home?" Ethel asked, knowing it was a bit of a silly question but needing to know her sister was not totally falling apart.

Esmerelda sighed and looked down but nodded "Boring, I miss you two keeping me entertained, but I am just glad you are both okay" Esmerelda replied. Ethel looked at Esmerelda and once again, as she had over the last few months, felt the guilt creeping up on her again.

Esmerelda did not know at the time, that Ethel was going to get worse and Ethel did not know this was the first of bad days for her.


	4. Chapter 4 - The Nightmares

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

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Chapter Three

**The Nightmares**

Ethel wrote up the last of her lines that night, so by the time she got to bed it was late and she was exhausted. She was glad she did not have to worry about the lines tomorrow and could relax and was looking forward to Esmerelda coming to visit. Ethel's eyes were heavy and she was asleep within minutes.

_'It was dark. The kind of dark that made your skin crawl with fear. Ethel could hear distant sounds, screaming, running, rubble falling. The sounds rang in her ears as she ran, further down the corridor into her bedroom. She threw open the door, grabbed the trophy of Esmerelda, and ran back out, almost getting hit by the rubble as she ran towards the exit._

_Suddenly Agatha Cackle appeared with Miss Gullet. Ethel screamed as the two horrible woman appeared in front of her, blocking their exit. She pushed past, carrying on to the exit but she couldn't see properly, something was burning her eyes and making her path blurry. She looked around and saw black smoke surrounding her, somehow the place was now on fire._

_Ethel ran, she was so close to the exit, she held the trophy tighter and ran as fast as she could, she was so close, just a few seconds more and her feet will be outside the door safe with her sister._

_But then Agatha and Gullet appeared in front off her again from nowhere and suddenly the door closed and all that could be heard was screams as the fire engulfed everything and the building finally collapsed._

* * *

Ethel woke up with a start and gasped in shock. She was drenched in sweat and her reaction shook Nightstar awake. The cat meowed at her annoyed.

"No...not again" Ethel told herself annoyed. She thought they had stopped.

This was not the first nightmare Ethel had had like this. Just after it had happened that Esmerelda lost her magic and Ethel rescued her, for the following weeks they had plagued her. They were never the same, sometimes there would be no fire, or no Agatha and sometimes she would get outside before Esmie was hurt or injured before the dream took another turn, but the dreams always resulted in the same thing. Ethel would wake in a cold sweat, from how vivid and realistic the nightmare was.

When she was at home, she would go to Esmie's room and check she was still there, still breathing, still sleeping. It had put her mind at east, and then they suddenly stopped, probably because more time had passed and Ethel was spending more time with her sisters and knew in her mind despite the lack of magic Esmerelda was alive and well, but being away, not having that security seemed to have brought them back.

Of course today she couldn't go check on Esmie. So she turned on her lamp and sat up, knowing it would take her a while to calm down enough to sleep again. She saw it was only two am, she had only being asleep for about two hours. Ethel picked up her book and took out the bookmark before reading, knowing it would help her relax.

She knew she could go tell Sybil, after all, Sybil had seen the nightmares originally and knew they upset Ethel but with her friends in the room Ethel was not going to do that, she didn't want the first years to tell the school Ethel ran to Sybil crying about a bad dream, so she stayed in her room, and stroked Nightstar as she read her book.

Ethel read until her eyes were heavy and saw it was only half two, she had read for only half an hour, but it had done what it was meant to, she was tired again and closed the book, and turned of her light to go to sleep.

To go to sleep. She told herself tired. She closed her eyes but sleep was not coming, she was merely awake with her eyes closed. Ethel sighed and try to think of something to make her sleep, wondering if anyone else in the castle was awake.

Ethel yawned and opened her eyes and sighed, she just knew it was going to be one of those nights,. The nights where you squeeze your eyes shut, they are heavy, your body telling you that you are tired but no matter what you do sleep does not come. Them nights that feel like an entirety as you are restless and unable to sleep.

Ethel tried and tried to sleep, but it was not coming. Nightstar had long fallen back asleep after her shock of Ethel waking but Ethel was finding it much more difficult. The girl sighed and yawned, frustrated and annoyed, she needed to sleep, she had lessons in the morning.

Ethel looked at the clock. 3:00. 3:30, 4:00. At five Ethel finally felt herself drooping and fell asleep again, only to be woken soon after by her alarm. Ethel moaned and looked at the time, 7:15.

* * *

Ethel, especially in school, was not one to sleep in, but today she put her alarm on snooze and went back to sleep but it went off again a few minutes later. Ethel sighed and sat up rubbing her eyes. She stood up and walked to her mirror realising her night of no sleep really showed.

Her eyes had bags under them and purple lines from lack of sleep and it was clear she was tired as her eyes were shiny and unfocused like they get when you are tired. Ethel felt lethargic, her head hurting and heavy because she was so tired but awake and Ethel did not know how to deal with it. She quickly made her way to the wash rooms, used the toilet, washed and then rushed back to he room to get dressed for school before anyone saw her. As she did so she opened her drawer pulling out a small tube of concealer.

Ethel was not one for make-up, she had more important things to do than worry about whether her make-up was perfect or not, but she had brought a small tube in the summer after her mother had bluntly, told her she didn't want to look at her eyes as they were purple and saggy and it was putting her off her food. Ethel had being hurt by that but in truth, Esmerelda and Sybil had not really cared, and only helped Ethel with the nightmares and the problem was sorted once she was sleeping properly again, but Ethel knew she couldn't go out looking like that. The girls would laugh and tease her and then some might worry and tell Sybil and she didn't need a lecture from her sisters when Esmie find out. She therefore put the concealer under her eyes and rubbed it in, hiding the dark circles and the restlesses from prying eyes.

She left her room and no-one gave her any strange looks, meaning the trick she had used had obviously worked. Ethel hid a yawn and went to her lessons, trying to act normal.

Hiding it physically was easy but mentally not so much, she felt the tiredness in the back of her mind and nearly joined Miss Bat for a sleep in chanting when she felt her eyes closing, until Felicity asked her if she could borrow her red pen and Ethel was taken back to reality.

"Yes sure" Ethel said hoping no-one suspected anything. She was just worried about PE she didn't have the energy for Miss Drill, and today Miss Drill wanted them to run laps.

"Come on Ethel, put some effort into it" the woman said but all Ethel warned to do was flop, she felt so weak, and with the disguising food school served it didn't exactly help.

* * *

In potions Ethel was meant to be making a coughing potion, instead the girl was looking at a peaceful sleep potion, it gathered no dreams or nightmares. She knew that was what she could do with, just in case these nightmares lasted for weeks again.

The problem was the prying eyes in the classroom. HB, the students, and all watching what she was doing. Ethel read and read the method and ingredients until she knew it from memory, knowing she would have to make it in her room if she wanted it.

"Ethel" the girl heard someone say. She looked up to see Enid looking at her annoyed.

"Can you hurry up? I have being trying to get to the frogs eyes for ten minutes" Enid told her as Ethel was blocking the way as she was standing there daydreaming. Ethel grabbed her ingredients and then went to her cauldron, finding it hard to concentrate.

That night Ethel was more glad than ever to get into bed. She knew that today she would sleep through anything because she was so tired, but unfortunately for Ethel, the nightmares came again, she did manage to sleep more this time but she knew she had to make that potion, she couldn't be like this. She had to have energy for school.

"I will make the potion tomorrow, goodnight Nightstar" Ethel said hoping she would get a peaceful night tonight.


	5. Chapter 5 - Guilt Slips In

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Chapter Five

**Guilt Slips In**

Ethel's sleep problems did not let up, she was constantly getting the nightmares nightly. Now she made the potion it wasn't to much of a big deal because she would be able to sleep through the night but the problem was keeping the potion stocked up, there had being times she had forgotten, or didn't have time to make more and they would be the nights she ended up not sleeping. But the sleeping troubles were not the worse part.

It was the end of the first week at Cackles. At first, Ethel missed her sister and was only sad she was not there, but over the last week, even though she still missed her, she was experiencing guilt. It was not that she had not experienced it before obviously, but now she had no-one to tell her to stop being hard on herself and she is forgiven it was hitting her much more.

It was her fault Esmerelda had no magic and she was stuck at home, powerless, not knowing what her future will be, struggling as she had to learn how to do everything again without magic. Her greed and desire for attention had ended up hurting Esmerelda much more than it did her. That stupid head girl position, it was not worth it. She knows now that Agatha used her vulnerability in wanting attention in order to get her to do it and help her. But even so Ethel had not had to go along with it. She could of woken Miss Cackle and told her Agatha was trying to take over the school and get magic from her sister, but Ethel had decided to go ahead with it. Full of hatred, and jealously and hurt and anger, it seemed like the perfect solution to her problems. She wpuld no longer be the less talented annoying little sister of the best pupil in the school, she would be the best, she would have her own identity. Ethel often thought like this, in dream like ways that wouldn't happen. She wanted her parents to notice her, she wanted to show she was a proper Hallow. However, she knew she had made a mistake when she saw Esmerelda's sadness after Agatha had taken over the school and much more so when her sister was turned into a trophy by Miss Gullet.

But the thing was, with all the amazing things magic could do, time travel was not one of them, except of course with the mists of time, but that was dangerous, because it was so easy to get trapped in them as her and Mildred nearly did last year, plus changing one thing changed everything, witches did not have a way to change things in time without ruining everything in the present. So Ethel could not go back and change it, which meant they were stuck in the situation.

Sybil had being shocked and angry of course when she found out what part Ethel played in what happened, and had proceeded to not talk to Ethel for a while, which actually was only a few days before she, like Esmerelda forgave her. She didn't know why they forgave her. It was not an action that deserved to be forgiven but Esmerelda had said it was done they couldn't undo it, there was no point hating each other and drifting apart, that would mean Agatha won, that was what she wanted.

Ethel had started to think about nothing else, other than what she had done. She didn't know how to behave, there was something wrong with her, she wasn't like her sisters. Her parents had always being cold with her and no-one knew why and the reality was Ethel was turning into her mother. Last year, this would of being thrilling to Ethel, but she was starting to realise her mother actions hurt other people and she was not sure she wanted people to do what she told them to do, only out of fear.

Ethel sat down and took Nightstar onto her lap and hissed in pain. Her stomach had started to hurt recently. It would cramp for a while before it went away. It only came on every few hours or so but it was horrible when it was there. Ethel knew she could get medical help, the school had a nurse which could prescribe her something but Ethel didn't like doctors and she didn't want her sisters to find out and panic as she knew they would, so she had being dealing with it herself. In that moment, as Ethel was closing her eyes trying not to think of the pain, someone knocked gently.

* * *

"Yes come on" Ethel said hoping it was not Mildred Hubble or some other annoying person wanting to argue.

It wasn't. It was Sybil. She walked in and closes the door before turning to Ethel. Ethel tried to keep a straight face.

"Hi Ethel" Sybil said as she walked to her sister and sat on the bed next to her, stroking Nightstar on the head. Nightstar purred and pushed against the younger girls hand.

"What is it Sybil?" I am busy" Ethel told her and Sybil looked at her as if wondering how she was busy.

"You are sitting down" Sybil replied confused but shook her head, she had come here for a reason.

"Ethel, what do you think we should get Esmie for her birthday this year?" Sybil asked her. She knew Ethel was always off these days when she spoke about their sister but she wanted Ethel's help on this.

Ethel felt the pain in her stomach get worse as her name brought up more guilt and Sybil looked at her concerned, but Ethel resisted the urge to touch her sore stomach.

"It's just we only have a few weeks, and we still need to buy it and wrap it and send it" Sybil told Ethel. Ethel was interested in Esmerelda's birthday and had being trying to think of something to get her herself.

"What did you get her last year?" Ethel asked not wanting to get her the same thing again.

"A bracelet, it said Hallow on it, she could never wear it at school though, you know what HB is like" Sybil replied. Ethel thought and had saw her wear it during the summer.

"What did you get her?" Sybil asked Ethel also thinking they could cross off the idea of whatever Ethel got her.

If Ethel had felt guilty before, now she felt even worse. She remembered last year, she was so angry and hateful towards Esmerelda, blaming her for being born first and finding her constantly there annoying. She had not thought much into her birthday, in fact she had not really cared about it. It was the day they celebrated Esmerelda was better than her for being first to live, Ethel had being bitter about that. In the end, Ethel had gotten Esmerelda a card in a shop in the local village. It wasn't one she put much thought into, it was just a cheap card she brought and wrote a small message in. She gave it to Esmerelda, who was always was grateful, because she didn't expect her sisters to get her anything anyway, and Ethel then felt she was lucky she even got a card. She nearly didn't bother but she didn't want people to talk.

Now the thought of so little effort made Ethel feel sick. Esmerelda had brought her a new broomstick cleaning kit for her birthday, knowing the one she had was old and used up. Ethel had loved it and Esmerelda was that type of person. She always made sure her sisters got a gift they would really love and appreciate, and all Ethel had got her was some old card for forty pence in a shop.

"Ethel? Ethel?" Sybil said waving her hand in front of her face as Ethel had being staring into space.

Ethel stood up sadly after how she had behaved but she she started to speak before Sybil could talk.

* * *

"Last year I put no effort into her birthday as I was a horrible person, but this year will be different, we need to get her the best present ever because she is the best older sister in the world after all" Ethel said. Sybil looked at her strangely was Ethel feeling okay?

"Well…...then what do we get her? Sybil asked wondering why Ethel was acting like this, it was unlike her to be so…..warming and talk about feelings.

"How about books?" Ethel commented "So she has enough to read at home" Ethel suggested trying to think of ideas.

"No, everyone will get her books" Sybil replied and Ethel nodded, knowing she had a point. If they got her books she would have enough to open a library of her own.

"Clothes?" Sybil suggested, thinking of another idea.

"No, you know she is fussy with what she will wear, plus mum and dad will not let us wear anything not branded, I don't know about you but I don't have £80 in savings to get her a top" Ethel replied and Sybil sighed, Ethel was right.

"There must be something, what would Esmie really want?" Ethel wondered aloud trying to think of something. Sybil looked just as stumbled as her sister.

"Let's buy the card first, we can think of her present later" Sybil told her and Ethel nodded, knowing it would take a lot of thinking to think of something perfect enough for Esmie. In reality Ethel knew what Esmerelda truly wanted was magic, but that wasn't an option, so it had to be something just as good.


	6. Chapter 6 - Attack

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Chapter Six

**Attack**

Ethel and Sybil walked down to the local town that weekend to pick a card for Esmerelda. It took a while because they wanted one that meant something personal to them, especially Ethel after making no effort the year before.

"None of these are right" Sybil said looking at the birthday cards for sisters. Most were just generatic and did not have any reference to what their sisterhood meant.

"I know we can make one each in art class, more useful than what Miss Mouldy makes us do" Ethel replied and Sybil looked at her and shook her head.

"Don't call her that Ethel, it isn't nice" Sybil said, not thinking she should call anyone names.

"But she is about as useful as a stapler teaching us" Ethel replied. Sybil sighed. She knew her sister absolutely did not like the woman, and Sybil was not keen on her either, she just felt something was very off about her. Sybil though did agree with what Ethel said and thought a personalised card was something they could make very special.

* * *

In her next art class, Ethel blatantly ignored the clay work they were meant to be doing and focused on the card. It was odd, Ethel hated so much to fail and get bad grades but in Miss Moulds class she honestly didn't care less if she failed the whole course, she wasn't interested in another teacher who treated Mildred well and her like she was nothing. Ethel knew she was not that good at art, but maybe she could be if Miss Mould didn't blatantly ignore her.

Ethel sketched a drawing of her and her sisters on the front of the card and Felicity looked over, wondering why she was not using the clay.

"What are you doing?" Felicity asked confused.

"It is for Esmerelda's birthday, this is a much better use of my time than making a clay pot" Ethel told the american girl before she kept drawing, trying her best to do it well. She was not the best at drawing but she hoped Esmerelda still liked it.

Ethel hummed to herself as she worked. Once she had finished drawing she started to colour it in, not paying attention to what was going on around her. Suddenly she felt water splashing on her and she looked up seeing Mildred had tripped up and fallen against her desk with the cup of water she had being using. Ethel looked down and saw the card was soaked, it was now a soppy useless mess, all her hard work ruined. Ethel looked at Mildred and glared harder than she ever had before.

"Sorry Ethel" Mildred said feeling bad even if she didn't get on with the blond, she had tripped on the table leg, she didn't mean to ruin her work. Ethel heard a few chuckles and saw Enid laughing at the whole thing. Yes the girl did not know the work had being for Esmerelda's birthday but Ethel was angry. Boiling angry. The bloody klutz, she always ruined everything and now she was going to ruin Esmerelda's birthday, before she knew what she was doing Ethel was to her feet.

"You did it on purpose" Ethel accused, believing it had being a plan to ruin her present for Esmerelda.

"I didn't Ethel I swear" Mildred replied. Ethel though wasn't listening. She didn't care if Miss Mould had turned around to see what was going on, or if students were watching the exchange, or if she was on a last warning. She was sick of it. Sick of Mildred ruining everything she took pride in, sick of the girl being constantly there and sick of being made a laughing stock, Before she could think it through and realise it was a bad idea, she was walking towards Mildred and had leaped on the unexpecting girl, attacking her.

"ETHEL GET OFF" Mildred said trying to dodge a punch to the face.

"COME ON THEN FIGHT ME, NO MAGIC, IT IS THE ONLY THING YOU ARE ANY GOOD AT" Ethel shouted hitting the girl in plaits over and over. Mildred tried to defend herself, Miss Mould rushed over and tried to separate them but was not able to. Mildred swung her arm, trying to hit Ethel back. Ethel could hear gasps from the girls, clearly they had not expected this.

"WILL ONE OF YOU GO GET MISS CACKLE" Miss Mould shouted feeling out of her depth. Maud was just about to go but there was a noise as Hecate, alerted to the sound appeared. She took one look of the fighting girls and raged.

"STOP THAT THIS INSTANT" She shouted. Sending a spell at the girls forcing them apart. She stormed over eyes blazing in anger.

"Miss Cackle's office now" Miss Hardbroom said in a deadly voice. Transferring the girls before they could so much as reply.

* * *

Ethel and Mildred looked like they had being in the fight as they stood in front of Miss Cackle. Ethel's normally immaculate appearance now had her ponytail a frizzy mess, her socks had fallen to her ankles and she had a scratch on her face, that she had gotten when Mildred had defended herself. Mildred looked more scruffy than normal, had a bloody lip and one of her plaits was undone. The brunette glared at the blond, now angry herself.

"Explain" Miss Cackle said. Ethel spoke before Mildred could.

"SHE RUINED MY WORK...AGAIN! SHE ALWAYS RUINS EVERYTHING" Ethel shouted looking at Mildred and glaring.

"It was an accident I tripped up, I said sorry and then Ethel just attacked me!" Mildred replied, not wanting to get blamed for this when it was Ethel's fault.

"Quiet both of you" Miss Cackle said looking at Ethel and shaking her head, much like she did whenever she saw Ethel.

"Mildred you will receive a detention, you might not have started the fight but you still joined in, you may go, Ethel stay" Miss Cackle said, as Mildred left the room and Ada waited until she was out the door before she started.

"After everything that happened last year, now you are attacking people, I will not have this behaviour in my school" Miss Cackle sternly told the blonde girl.

Last year Ethel would of being distraught but after everything she just didn't care anymore about Miss Cackle, not once had the woman asked about Esmerelda, asking if she was alright, she was useless to her now so she had forgotten about her, Ethel changed her views on the teachers and school after that.

"Don't roll your eyes at me Ethel Hallow, this is serious" the woman told her, fed up of the girl and her attitude. "I don't know what has gotten into you but I am not going to let this slide Ethel" Miss Cackle told her. Ethel scoffed. She was really so clueless.

"I was making a card for Esmerelda, it is her birthday in a few weeks" Ethel said, deciding to see how the woman would react, now HB was not here, maybe just maybe she would act like a decent person and ask after her.

"And?" Miss Cackle said, asking as if it wasn't important or a reason for Ethel to attack anyone.

"And I want her to have a good birthday, I know you don't care miss but I do" Ethel said. Ada looked like she was going to flip out, so Ethel kept talking.

"Want me to go pack? Are you expelling me?" Ethel said pushing the woman knowing she didn't have the guts to expel anyone. Someone could murder every last pupil and teacher in the school but Ada and they would still only be given lines. Miss Cackle was as soft as melted butter when it came to punishing anyone, that was the truth of the matter.

"You will receive a months worth of detentions and an essay handed in tomorrow, and I want it in perfect handwriting, don't push me Ethel" Miss Cackle told her. Ethel only laughed.

"I knew you didn't have the guts, Esmerelda is okay by the way thanks for asking" Ethel told her before leaving. She knew she was lucky to go to a school where the headteacher is soft or she actually would be packing but she knew lashing out will make people realise she was suffering, her cover was blown. They were going to know something was wrong and Ethel was furious with herself.


	7. Chapter 7 - Heartache

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Chapter Seven

**Heartache**

It took exactly one hour for what happened in Miss Mould's art class to get around the school, by the time Ethel went for dinner it was known because pupils from all years were looking at her. Ethel, who knew how spiteful the girls at Cackles could be, ignored them and took a seat at a table alone, not wanting to have to explain why she had attacked Mildred.

Ethel heard someone sit opposite her and looked up to see Sybil sat there, looking less than impressed, Ethel spoke before Sybil could.

"If you have come to have a go at me for attacking golden girl don't bother, I already know you don't approve" Ethel told her sister. Sybil shook her head at the nickname before replying.

"Ethel you are better than attacking people" Sybil told her, thinking it was low for Ethel to do.

"She ruined the birthday card I made for Esmerelda, she takes and ruins everything from me, I am sick to death of her" Ethel replied gritting her teeth. Sybil was only worried.

"Ethel I know you are hurting, I am too, but this won't help, you will only end up in trouble and people will avoid you, make Esmerelda another card and try to put this behind you" Sybil suggested logically to her sister, knowing this was not healthy for Ethel to be so worked up on.

"Oh it is that easy is it? It won't be the same" Ethel replied sadly, looking at her lumpy porridge.

"No but Esmerelda will still love it, please take my advice Ethel" Sybil told her, not wanting Ethel to get herself expelled over this. She knew Ethel couldn't handle emotions in a positive way, that was the whole problem.

"Fine" Ethel replied, thinking maybe Sybil had a point. She could let what happened ruin Esmerelda's birthday or she could make sure it is great by making another card.

* * *

That night, Ethel worked on the card again, making a new fresh one for Esmerelda away from water or other dangers in the classroom. Ethel had to admit to herself, this card, because she was by herself and not trying to hide her work, came out better. The drawing was better and more neat. She stuck little gold stars around it and then coloured in the picture. By then she had being working for a good two hours so she told herself tomorrow she will write inside it the birthday message and put it safe in her drawer.

She was glad she had stopped because the cramping in her stomach had returned, but today, there was a horrible pain in her head. She sighed and went to lie down. Feeling under the weather.

Ethel knew her mental state was in a bad way. After all, she felt lost. She knew everyone at Cackles hated her and wished she was expelled, and she knew she was responsible for that but it didn't make it easier. Even her own sister would rather have Mildred as a sister than her. She felt like everytime she turned a corner and was walking towards a fresh light, she would fall into another hall and be struggling to get out.

Ethel moaned in pain, wondering if she will keep being plagued like this. She was angry at herself. She knew she was in the wrong, but the truth was her mental state had being affected for years and it had slowly being getting worse.

It was the realisation she had nothing that was affecting Ethel though. Her parents didn't care whether she breathed or not, her sisters did love her, but they didn't like her, there was a difference, as for friends she didn't have any really. Felicity chose when to be friends with her, same with Gloria. The teachers couldn't care less about her and neither could the other pupils. The girl tried not to think about it, but it did upset her.

The girl stroked Nightstar, wondering if her cat even liked her. Did her cat secretly hate her and wish she belonged to someone else? If Ethel was Nightstar she thinks she would, Ethel cried silently as she stroked her familiar at that thought.

"I am sorry Nightstar" Ethel said and the cat looked at her and purred, she pushed her head into her knowing she was upset, but not knowing why. Even cats were not mind readers.

Ethel tried to think of something else, like what present to get Esmerelda, but her mind kept going back to the bad times, and she was unable to see any good. What was wrong with her? Why could she not be like everyone else? She knew it was because she acted like her mother but she didn't know how else to act. She wasn't her sisters she was Ethel Hallow, destined to be stuck in this never ending cycle of bad luck and cruelness.


	8. Chapter 8 - Present

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Chapter Eight

**Present**

The idea for Esmerelda's birthday present came to Ethel at the most unlikely time in the most unlikely place, art class. Miss Mould, for some reason, was making the girls make a family tree (what this had to do with art Ethel thought only the batty woman herself knew) but it did give her an idea. Ethel was bored in the class and trying to think of ways to past time when she thought of the perfect idea.

After art, having hardly being able to contain her excitement, Ethel went to find Sybil. She found the younger girl with her friends leaving chanting class. Ethel ran to her and smiled.

"Can we talk Sybs?" the girl asked. Sybil nodded and told her friends she would catch them up.

"You alright Ethie?" Sybil asked concerned. Ethel smiled before she spoke.

"I have thought of an idea for Esmerelda's birthday, she is always happy to see us right? And we have that big photo album of photos, but how about we make her a scrapbook, with some of our favourite pictures and memories included" Ethel suggested. Sybil looked at her sister with a look of confusion and Ethel took it as a bad sign.

"Forget it, it is a bad idea" Ethel said, wondering if she had being to hasty, Esmerelda had pictures, there was no point to her present.

Sybil though was confused more so because she hadn't expected Ethel to come up with an idea like that. Sybil's face though broke into a smile. It was perfect, it was amazing.

"Ethel….it's perfect" Sybil said with a smile, thinking nothing else would make Esmerelda happier, apart from having her magic back, but she couldn't have that so they had to improvise.

* * *

Later on that night, Ethel and Sybil were sat in Ethel's bedroom, sticking pictures on pieces of card, writing quotes and memories, attaching string to keep the pages together. Ethel had a lot of gel pens and the colours really made the book look pretty.

"This one was that time we went to the zoo and that monkey took your apple through the bars" Ethel said laughing at the memories. Sybil had being shocked when the monkey took her food and the picture had her looking confused.

"That wasn't funny, I was enjoying that" Sybil told her sister laughing herself though as she put glitter on the page.

"It was hilarious" Ethel replied as she starting to write down the memory and what had happened.

"I know, but it scared me when it happened" Sybil told her sister as they worked on the book. Sybil picked up another picture and laughed.

"This was the time you sat on Esmie's shoulders because you were trying to reach into a garden to grab a witch ball we dropped, all that happened was you ended up falling over the fence" Sybil smiled, the memory was a good one.

"And that grumpy old man shouted at us for landing on his Lily's, yes I remember good times" Ethel replied with a snort.

They worked for a long time, they glued things down and stuck stickers around to make it look nice, then it got late and the girls went of to bed, the next morning they finished the book, wrote the card and then realised they were about to miss the last post.

* * *

"Quick Ethel" Sybil told her handing her the envelope with Esmerelda's present in. Ethel and Sybil ran down the stairs, towards Miss Drill, who was just about to walk out the main door.

"WAIT MISS PLEASE" Ethel shouted panting as she ran. The teacher closed the door and looked at them.

"Please take this..." Ethel said passing her the envelope addressed to their sister. It changed every week but this week it was Miss Drill who had the duty of taking the post. The woman took the envelope and looked at it curiously.

"Can you get it there by Monday?" Sybil asked knowing they were pushing it a bit because it was Friday.

"I can't make any promises" Miss Drill said knowing the standard post service they used could take around a week.

"Please Miss, it is for Esmerelda's birthday" Ethel replied, wanting her to understand how important it was.

Miss Drill looked at the young girls and saw how much they both wanted Esmerelda to have a good birthday, after all they couldn't do much for the girl stuck at home. She had lost her magic and the whole life she knew.

"I will make sure it gets there by Monday" Miss Drill told them, knowing she would make an exception and pay for the faster post.

"Thank you so much" Sybil said gratefully, glad it was Miss Drill as HB properly wouldn't even send it, because they were late.

Ethel smiled. Her sister was going to have a good birthday, for the first time she felt like she was not falling apart at the edges. She had done something good, it felt good, maybe she was okay after all.


	9. Chapter 9 - Miss Cackle's Birthday

A/N: Based on Series 2 Episode 8 Miss Cackle's Birthday. I don't like this episode so that might come across but the point is I needed something to send Ethel furthur downhill, I hope you enjoy.

* * *

Chapter Nine

**Miss Cackle's Birthday**

On Monday, Ethel was looking forward to talking to Esmerelda about her birthday. Only first she had to get through the weekend and Miss Cackle's stupid 5000th birthday or something. Of course Maud know it all was in charge. There was going to be an optional talent show, which Ethel had not entered. She did not want the woman to have a good birthday because she didn't like her.

"It will be fun Ethel" Sybil kept telling the older girl. Ethel thought pouring a burning potion on her would be fun than singing silly songs to Miss Cackle.

Even so when Maud disappeared (Ethel did not care where too) Miss Hardbroom put her in charge. She didn't want to do it until it annoyed Mildred that she was in charge. Ethel looked through the plans and was amazed at how childish it was, if they were going to give the batty old bat a birthday why not a traditional witching one?

However the girls of Cackles were not trying to join in and acting like they did whenever they had a chanting class and Ethel lost her temper.

"Felicity you have one note to play and you are always off" Ethel said telling Felcity she had hit the triangle at the wrong time again.

"My mum says I am musically talented" Felicity said proudly

"She obviously needs her hearing checked then" Ethel replied annoyed. This resulted in people getting annoyed at Ethel and everyone walked out even Sybil. She didn't understand she had changed the schedule because she was trying to make the thing better, they didn't need a talent show. She didn't understand why the girls were being so petty.

"Sybil….." Ethel said with wide eyes, wondering how her own sister could be such a traitor and follow the crowd.

"I don't want to embarrass you" Sybil replied. Ethel pretended not to care and turned around as Miss Mould laughed. Ethel wanted to wipe the smirk of the woman's face, she hated her, with a passion, she wished she could get locked in a painting so she didn't have to see her.

* * *

"I know Ethel can be a bit bossy but she is trying to give Miss Cackle a good birthday" Sybil replied as she walked down the corridor with her friends and sighed, she was regretting walking out. Yes Ethel was being a nightmare but Ethel just always had a tendency to take over, she didn't mean harm by it.

"Look Sybil, I am sure Ethel has good intentions, but she can't treat people how she wants too" Beatrice replied, knowing her friend felt bad.

Just then Ethel walked down the corridor herself. Sybil opened her mouth to ask if she was okay, and maybe suggest she would help if she promised not to be so bossy.

"Ethel I...OWWW" Sybil said as her sister totally blanked her and purposely bashed into her as she walked past. Sybil rubbed her arm shocked. Ethel was a lot of things and had done a lot of things, but thumping her own sisters? That was not something Ethel did. Ethel walked past without a care and Sybil became annoyed herself.

"If she thinks she knows everything leave her" Sybil said trying to stop tears pricking her eyes, not from pain, from sadness that Ethel had scooped to such a level.

* * *

Of course with Ethel by herself, the perfomance ended up a disaster. Ethel was trying to play all the parts at once which only resulted in her running around the stage trying to keep up. Maud had come back from wherever she was and was going ahead with the talent show again. Sybil saw her sister leave the stage as Maud asked if she wanted to perform.

Sybil felt bad for Ethel. She hadn't acted nicely earlier at all, but it didn't mean Sybil didn't feel for her, Ethel never seemed to have luck and she knew deep down she was missing Esmerelda, but she decided to perform, sitting out and trying to talk to Ethel would do nothing, she would not listen anyway.

Sybil had being struggling with catching her broomstick during the display, she had practised and practised but she had never got it right, all she could do was try though and Sybil was amazed when her broomstick (after nearly knocking a lot of people over) flew back into her hands. Sybil beamed, proud of herself, but it was then she saw Ethel leaving. She gave her broomstick to Clarice and went after her.

* * *

She saw Ethel walking away, still in the purple outfit she had worn for the perfomance. Sybil ran to keep up with her before talking.

"Why are you always so hard on yourself?" Sybil asked knowing Ethel always wanted perfection or she got upset and she didn't understand why.

"Because I am Ethel Hallow" the girl replied looking very glum. Sybil had no idea what being Ethel had to do with anything.

"So?" Sybil asked not understanding her point, she racked her brains but she didn't get it. Ethel though seemed to have lost her temper.

"Oh go away Sybil, go celebrate Miss Sunshine Cackle The Greatest's birthdays with your fun little friendies!" Ethel replied. She had not forgiven Sybil for walking out. Sybil narrowed her eyes and shook her head.

"Why are you being like this?" Sybil asked. She knew her sister disliked Miss Cackle, Sybil wasn't her biggest fan either but it was a school event, they had to celebrate it.

"Because I am fed up of this stupid school, you think it is the best place ever, the students are bitches, the teachers are no better and you spend more time with them stupid first years than you do your own sisters, you have become just another students at Cackles" Ethel yelled, putting her feelings out in the air.

"We don't have the same classes, I can't spend the whole day with you" Sybil replied wondering what her sister was getting at. She didn't always sit with Ethel but that was because sometimes, and normally more often than not these days, she was in a strop.

"I don't want you to, oh just go, go ask Mildred to be your sister because you think she is the best thing on the planet like everyone else, I don't care what you do or don't do anymore" Ethel replied. Sybil just had to look at her sister blankly. She knew Ethel found Cackles hard, but Ethel brought on the treatment she received herself.

"I am friendly with Mildred but I don't want to be her sister" Sybil said knowing as much as she liked Mildred being her sister would not be as good. Mildred would get her into all sorts of trouble by accident and the thing was Mildred was very nice but she didn't know how to be a sister, she didn't know how to watch out for each other because she had never had to.

"Could of fooled me" Ethel replied turning around wanting to leave and go to her bedroom. Sybil sighed though. She knew what this was about, last year Ethel had not had the best year but Esmerelda was there to look out for her, but now Ethel was alone, because of her attitude she had no real friends and was finding the schooling life much harder.

"Ethel….I know you miss Esmerelda...I miss her too...but there is nothing we can do, she doesn't want us to mope around here and be miserable" Sybil told her sister, knowing being so sad and refusing to participate in anything will not help anyone, especially not Esmerelda. It kills the blonde more to see her sisters so sad.

"DON'T" Ethel shouted back looking at Sybil with eyes full of tears "Don't pretend to know how I feel when you fit in here" Ethel replied, knowing Esmerelda might not be here but Sybil was doing fine.

"Then explain it to me, maybe I can help" Sybil said seeing Ethel was close to tears which worried the youngest.

"What is the point? You can't change it anyway" Ethel replied before she turned away and walked away now, crying softly to herself. Sybil stood there and wondered what to do, should she follow, tell Ethel she was going to tell her how she felt or she wouldn't leave? Should she just go sit with her, make sure she is okay? The thing was she didn't know how to help her, and Ethel was right she didn't know how to help. She was going to try to though because Ethel had being acting so strangely recently but Miss Bat came out in that second and saw Sybil.

"Come on Sybil, we are going to be singing the school song for Miss Cackle's birthday now" she said having come to look for aby students outside the hall.

"But Miss" Sybil said looking behind her as she was led into the hall, knowing not following will make Ethel think she had chosen Cackles over her even more than she already did but she had no choice but to return to the hall and leave Ethel alone.


	10. Chapter 10 - Hurting

A/N: Contains mentions of self-harm, do not read if you find that topic distressing!

* * *

Chapter Ten

**Hurting**

Ethel walked to her bedroom, her head hanging down after the fight she had just had with Sybil. She walked in her room and slammed the door shut, feeling the anger inside her boiling over.

Before she could think through it she was trashing her bedroom. She threw books onto the floor, her bedding on the floor. Nightstar bolted out the open window in case she decided to throw her on the floor and in only a matter of minutes, Ethel's bedroom looked like it had being subjected to a tornado or earthquake. Ethel looked sound her bedroom and her anger turned to sadness, and the blonde threw herself on her bed and cried.

She had lost Sybil now. The youngest sister would never want to talk to her again after what she had said to her, and Ethel felt more alone than ever. She didn't fit in at school, and she didn't fit in at home, there was no place Ethel thought she slotted into, she was always a nusiance, in the way, or shoved aside.

"You are so stupid Ethel" the girl told herself as she pinched her arm, trying to make a bruise form, because after all, the only thing Ethel deserved was pain and suffering, bad people deserve it. Ethel thought but she sighed, she was not strong enough and could not press hard enough to even leave a red mark let alone a bruise, it was just something else she was useless at.

Ethel was frustrated and got of her bed, walking towards her bookshelf. Some of the books she had being given were dark books, from old family collections, with spells that could cause harm, because in the days the books were printed, they were all printed in one book, it just had different sections.

Ethel flicked through until she found a section on injury spells. The idea was that these could be used on someone you didn't like (although some of them were very nasty indeed) but Ethel decided to try one on herself, it was bad to hurt yourself she knew that but she just needed something to make her realise she was alive, she felt so loss.

She looked up a number of different spells until she found one that seemed to be what she was looking for. She pointed her hand at her shoulder and uttered 'Moscaly'.

For a moment it was as if nothing had happened, then suddenly a dot of blood appeared, and started to grow as a cut formed on her arm. Ethel felt her arm throb as the blood formed and hissed in pain, she did not know why she thought this was a good idea, it was just painful.

But after a minute, the throbbing made her feel alive. She could feel pain so she knew she could still feel, it was a good pain, like the type of pain when you use one of the old arcade machines that give you an electric shock, and even though it hurts, you like it, which is why you keep going back to it.

Ethel looked at the wound. She had not seen many non-magical wounds but she thought it looked very real, as if she had cut herself from falling over. The blonde sat on her bed and closed her eyes, feeling like the dirty blood inside of her was coming out.

* * *

She knew that if Esmerelda or Sybil found out about what she had done they would be distraught, but it was her decision, this was something she was completely in charge of, something she could do better than anyone else Something Mildred Hubble could not take away from her. In a sick way she liked it.

Nightstar in that moment walked into the room, now that Ethel was not throwing things around. Ethel glared at the cat when she meowed at her.

"Oh shh Nightstar, it is only a little cut" Ethel said knowing her cat was disappoving of what she had done. Ethel though sneered.

"Don't worry, everyone would be thrilled by me doing this, they like to see me suffer" Ethel said walking to the window and looking out glumly. Cackles was such a beautiful place on the outside, it was a shame it wasn't so beautiful on the inside. It always made Ethel feel so miserable.

Ethel opened her bedside table drawer and took out a pair of nail scissors she had stored in there. She opened them up and held them as she put them to the scab she had made and pierced the skin next to it. She immediately felt better. It felt good. Ethel knew she wasn't meant to be doing this, but then again, she was not meant to do a lot of things she still did.

"Nightstar stop looking at me like that" Esmerelda said as the cat eyed her, not sure what she was doing but knowing it was not something she should do.

Ethel sighed, becoming more depressed as she thought of everyone in the school, at Miss Cackle's party without her, even if she wanted to now, she wouldn't go. She would be giving a cold welcome and Miss Cackle did not give a crap whether she was there or not, any other teacher would check on their absent pupil, but not Miss Cackle, she wouldn't check on Ethel if her room caught fire and no-one knew if she was in it or not.

Sybil had gone back, That hurt Ethel the most, she knew, after how she had treated her sister her going back was not unreasonable, but she had hopped she would at least follow, at least nag her like Esmerelda did. Ethel wiped the tears that were falling and sighed.

* * *

It was much later when she heard movement out in the corridors, the girls clearly having of come back from the party. Ethel lay her head on the pillow and cried gently as there was a knock on her door.

"Go away" Ethel replied, knowing it could only be Sybil and she was not in the mood to talk to her.

The youngest though did not go, she walked in and smiled a small smile, holding a purple napkin.

"I got you some cake, chocolate your favourite" Sybil told her. Ethel sighed, wishing the girl had not bothered.

"You have it, I don't want it" Ethel replied harshly. Sybil could tell Ethel was angry at her but also very upset. Sybil closed the bedroom door.

"I am sorry I left you, Miss Bat found me and dragged me inside" Sybil told her sister. Ethel was not sure if it was the truth, but she found she didn't care.

"Whatever" Ethel replied rudely, not caring anymore about whether Sybil was trying to cheer her up or not.

"Ethel look, don't let this get you down" Sybil said going to sit on the bed next to her.

"Sybil, I fit in here about as well as an elephant fits in a shoebox" Ethel replied, thinking Sybil just didn't get it.

"That isn't true, I like having you here" Sybil told her. Ethel scoffed.

"You are the only one, please just go Sybil, I am very tired" Ethel told her. Sybil sighed but decided she should give Ethel space. The girl left and Ethel turned off her light as it was late, knowing she properly wont be able to sleep. She could feel her arm ache as she turned over to sleep, but she was not ashamed about what she had done.


	11. Chapter 11 - Mirror

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* * *

Chapter Eleven

**Mirror**

The next day, Sybil waited outside the mirror room, wondering if Ethel was going to turn up like she normally did. Normally they met and went in together but Ethel didn't come, she was worried, she had not seen Ethel all day and she had a feeling she was still in her room. Sybil left the queue and the girl next to her moved up to take her place. Sybil walked upstairs to her sister's room and knocked on Ethel's door.

"Ethel, Esmie wants to talk to us" Sybil said knowing Esmerelda loved talking to her sisters. She knocked on the door, and when no-one replied she opened it and stepped in.

"Ethel come..." Sybil said as she walked in and then stopped. Ethel was not there. Her bed was made and Nightstar was asleep on it. Sybil wondered if she had turned up to the mirror room after all. The youngest turned around and headed back outside, in the search for Ethel worried. In such a vulnerable state she was worried where Ethel was.

Ethel was sat in a cafe in the village leading to Cackles. The girl sighed as she drank her hot chocolate, wondering what she was going to do. She didn't want to go back, she couldn't face going back but she had no-where to disappear too..

"Are you alright love?" a waitress asked her. She was a few years older than Esmerelda with dark hair and eyes. Ethel tried not to think about her sister as she nodded.

"Yes, I am fine thank you" Ethel told her.

She was fine. She could tell herself she was fine because she was. She scratched at her arm nervously, the marks she had made yesterday now itchy and closed her eyes, trying to not to think, and clear her mind.

* * *

When Ethel returned to Cackles, Sybil was there waiting for her. The girl did not look pleased.

"Where have you being? I have being looking everywhere" Sybil said, having being worried about her sister after yesterday.

"I just needed some air, sorry" Ethel said knowing her sister had being worried. Ethel looked up as the girls of Cackles walked around casually talking and enjoying their Sunday. Ethel felt a sick feeling in her stomach.

"Are you okay?" Sybil asked seeing where her sister was looking and the look on her face. Ethel felt lower than ever before now.

"Just fine" Ethel said feeling anything but fine. "I left my book in my room, excuse me" Ethel told her sister, running up the stairs. Sybil knew she was going to hide but she wasn't sure it was wise to leave her.

Sybil looked over and saw Miss Drill, she was properly the only teacher who didn't have her head on planet Jupiter. Sybil walked to her to ask her a question.

"Miss Drill" Sybil said stopping in front of her and putting her hands behind her patiently. The woman, who was holding some files smiled at her.

"Are you alright Sybil?" Miss Drill asked the young girl. Sybil nodded.

"Yes Miss but I need to ask you something" Sybil said an idea springing to her mind.

"Okay then ask away" Miss Drill told her. Sybil looked at the woman and smiled slightly.

"Ethel is really homesick...well not homesick as such...she misses Esmerelda, I was wondering if Ethel could have a mirror in her room temporarily, she is sad right now" Sybil told the woman, knowing if any teacher would be willing to help she would.

"Is Ethel okay?" Miss Drill asked concerned for the older sister. Sybil sighed.

"She's depressed, she is struggling without Esmerelda, please I just think it will just cheer her up" Sybil told the woman who looked concerned still but nodded.

"Alright but don't tell anyone or all the girls will want one, there is an old mirror in the storeroom on the second floor, you can use that" Miss Drill replied, accepting Ethel needed it right now.

"Thanks Miss" Sybil said as she left to get the mirror. Miss Drill changed her direction and went to Miss Cackle's office, she knocked and walked in to find her with Miss Hardbroom.

* * *

"I just need to inform you that I gave permission for Ethel Hallow to have a mirror in her bedroom, Ethel according to Sybil is under the weather" Miss Drill told the teachers, knowing as higher up they had to be informed.

"Miss Drill, they can mirror home at mirror times why does Ethel Hallow need more time?" Miss Hardbroom asked as if she hadn't just being told.

"Ethel is missing her sister and struggling according to Sybil, I was thinking we could do something to integrate Ethel into the school more, I know the girl does not have many friends, maybe a class event or something, a sports day, or a competition" Miss Drill told the teachers. Miss Drill knew Ethel could be nasty but she still thought she had to be brought into the school more, she had never properly settled, and if she is going to be in the school for the next four years feeling out of place she will leave very unhappy.

"More of an excuse to make Ethel Hallow fight with Mildred Hubble? Really Miss Drill I don't see how that will help" Miss Cackle replied. Dimity sighed, she hadn't thought of that.

"I could do it with my flying club, Mildred isn't in that" Miss Drill replied knowing she couldn't just plan this without permission Miss Cackle shook her head.

"The girl can keep the mirror, but as for your idea we don't have the time or resources" Ada told her. Dimity internally sighed. She hated having to come to Miss Cackle and HB about things like this because they never listened.

"Well maybe you should get Ethel in, she obviously has a lot of bottled up feelings, it might help for Ethel to talk through them" the woman went on. Ada nodded but was now typing on her maglet.

"Yes, I will do, thank you for informing me" the woman said not paying attention. Miss Drill knew it was pointless to talk about this with them. She liked Mildred Hubble and her friends but Miss Cackle had favourites and didn't listen if it wasn't about them, she had at least one favourite in every year group and it was always the same. Miss Drill was often the ones to see the problems of the girls Miss Cackle didn't notice.

"Alright, thank you Miss Cackle" the woman said, leaving the office knowing she wasn't going to help. She would watch Ethel herself, because she was worried about Sybil coming to her.

* * *

Ethel was in her room when Sybil walked in out of nowhere. Ethel was about to shout at her and ask her if she had ever heard of knocking but the girl gasped, carrying a very heavy looking mirror into the room.

"Sybil what are you doing?" Ethel asked, standing up to help her. Sybil panted from carrying the mirror.

"Miss Drill said you could have a mirror in here, I know you feel low right now and I thought being able to speak to Esmie whenever you want will help" Sybil replied

"Sybil...thank you but...I don't think" Ethel said, wondering if it would help or only make her more sad.

"Try it for me Ethel, please" Sybil said wrapping her arms around her sister in a hug.

"Alright, but I am not sure it will do any good" Ethel told her sister, looking at the floor as she kept her arms to the side, feeling disconnected from the world.


	12. Chapter 12 - Happy Birthday

A/N: Warning mentions of self harm!

* * *

Chapter Twelve

**Happy Birthday**

Ethel invited her sister to her room the next evening, because it was Monday and they both wanted to wish Esmerelda a Happy Birthday. Esmerelda appeared in the mirror, saw her sisters and burst into tears.

"Well we were going to say Happy Birthday but maybe Sad Birthday would be better" Ethel said, as she assumed her sister had not had a good day.

"No I am crying because I got your present" Esmerelda replied wiping her eyes but more tears only fell.

"You don't like it? We tried to think of something else but we couldn't" Sybil told her with a sigh. Esmerelda smiled as she cried.

"I love it, it touched me so much, Thank you" Esmerelda told them holding the book up to show them. The younger girls smiled, it had gotten there in time.

"Did mum and dad get you anything nice?" Sybil asked, knowing Esmie normally got more spoiled than them because of her eldest status.

"They got me a new dress again" Esmerelda said rolling her eyes.

Triton and Ursulla had started, in past birthdays and Christmas to get Esmerelda a new dress. The thing was Esmerelda was not overly girly and she was not a big lover of skirts or dresses, she only really wore them when she was forced to, like at Cackles, or at a big party at home, but when she was at home not doing anything she was more comfortable in trousers. However, their parents did not like this about their eldest, because they thought trousers were too manly if worn all the time, so they were slowly trying to change Esmerelda's mind and get her to wear dresses, long ones of course.

"They really want you to wear dresses" Ethel replied shaking her head. Ethel herself found trousers more comfortable, in fact she thought they all did. Many girls wore trousers daily now then they did dresses or skirts, their parents were still in the stone ages.

"Then they had to go to work so I went for a short walk as it is nice out, and then came home and played with Morgana for a bit" she said smiling at her cat out of the view of the mirror "And then you two rang me" Esmerelda replied. Sybil smiled.

"I am sorry we can't be there, but during the holidays we can go out and celebrate, it's Ethel's birthday just before we finish for christmas, we can celebrate both, even if yours is a little late" Sybil suggested, biting her lip as she finished.

"That is perfect Sybil, we can have a proper birthday then" Esmerelda told her sisters glad she had them to make her day feel better. It was only in that moment though she realised something.

"Where are you? The setting looks different" Esmerelda asked confused, not able to tell from the angle where they were.

"Oh Ethel's room, Miss Drill said she could have a mirror in here" Sybil replied casually.

"Oh why?" Esmerelda asked, thinking it was a strange thing to allow.

"I...have being a bit homesick….things have not being going to well at school, I just miss you" Ethel admitted and sighed looking down, especially when Esmerelda went into mother mode.

"Are you okay?" she asked, lunging forward as if she was trying to fall into the mirror.

"Yes, just Miss Cackle's Birthday was hard for me" Ethel replied. Esmerelda looked at her sister before asking her what happened, Ethel explained what happened, expect for the fight with Sybil, It would only upset Esmerelda.

"Oh Ethel" Esmerelda replied with a sad sigh.

"It is not all my fault, the girls here are sleazy, I might be mean but at least I am always mean and don't do it behind people's backs" Ethel replied annoyed. Esmerelda shook her head, she knew what the girls could be like.

"Have you spoken to Felicity since?" Esmerelda asked knowing how much Ethel could hold grudges.

"I haven't had a chance, I don't really care wheather I do it not, I don't need such a fake friend, do you know I heard her talking behind my back the other day and she said everything I do is to seek attention and I am a drama queen" Ethel replied "It might be true but then again she is supposed to be my friend" Ethel told her sisters.

"Just keep your head up" Esmerelda told her sister. Ethel shook her head but then decided to be positive.

"Anyway enough of that it is your fifteenth, it is supposed to be a happy day" Ethel told her sister smiling, wanting Esmerelda to have an amazing birthday.

"Call us back tonight Esmie, we will sing you Happy Birthday" Sybil told her with a smile.

Esmerelda let tears fall again, touched by her little sisters. They were the only thing in the world she cried about and could make her so emotional.

* * *

When they hanged up the call, Sybil apooligised but told Ethel she had to go, she had homework for HB and she still needed to write three hundred words by tomorrow, Ethel smiled slightly as they said goodbye and then went to do her own homework.

It was impossible for her to concentrate though, her shoulder was extremely itchy from the night before, she made sure her door was firmly closed and then rolled her her sleeve, seeing the scars there was nasty red and inflamed. Ethel stood up and replaced her books with her cauldron, knocking together a quick healing potion. She dabbed it on her wounds and sighed in relief at the immediate comfort.

Ethel though did not feel any better, in fact she felt lower than ever, how could everyone in the school walk around so happy when she was so broken? She grabbed the scissors and made two more cuts, feeling a sense of relief, she felt whole.

It would be easy to hide her new addiction from the eyes of the school. No-one, expect Sybil, would notice if she collapsed in the classroom from stress, or notice if she cut her hair, or she broke a bone, no-one cared enough to open their eyes, hiding her self-hatred would be as easy as pretending she enjoyed Miss Tapioca's food.

* * *

When Esmerelda called later that night though as the girls sang her happy birthday Ethel realised she had being wrong. She kept scratching at her shoulder every now and then and even though everyone else might be blind, Esmerelda wasn't.

"Why do you keep scratching Ethie?" Esmerelda asked wondering what was wrong with her shoulder. Ethel closed her eyes quickly to think of an excuse on the spot.

"I have a huge spot on it, appeared overnight, it won't stop being itchy" Ethel told her sister. Esmerelda looked at her as if she was wondering whether to believe her or not, but an alternative thought to Esmerelda didn't enter her mind, it was too painful to even consider it.

"I put some of that soothing potion you always used to use to stop our scabs getting infected, it really helps" Ethel told her. Sybil and Esmerelda eyed each other but didn't say anything.

"If it doesn't get better go see the nurse" Esmerelda told her sister. Ethel nodded, playing along.

"I will see how it is tomorrow and go if I need too, don't worry so much, its only a spot" Ethel lied, knowing the truth would be to painful for either of her sisters to comprehend.

"Then it should be better in no time" Sybil said and Ethel weakly smiled, she was able to hide her cutting well, but with Sybil's eyes on her in the school she had to be more careful.


	13. Chapter 13 - Blood and Suspicious

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Chapter Thirteen

**Blood and Suspicious**

Ethel put her head in her hands wondering why she had being so stupid. She had not thought her self harming through properly and now she was stuck. She had chosen her shoulder because it would be easy to hide but she realised that she couldn't hide the whole time. They did after all have PE, and had to get changed, with the eyes of the nosy girls in the school on her they would notice in seconds.

Ethel walked into the changing rooms nervously with Felicity and Gloria, who had decided to talk to her today. Ethel still had not forgiven them for ditching her at the party for Miss Cackle but she went along with it. She scratched at her arm nervously, as she had being doing all day, it was so itchy, even with the soothing potion, she couldn't help it.

"I hope Drill doesn't make us run today" Gloria commented as they walked in the changing room. Ethel sat on the bench with her head down, trying to think about how to change without anyone noticing her arm, she scratched nervously as she thought about it, thinking there must be some way.

"Yooo hooo Ethel" Felicity said waving her hand over Ethel's face and sending the girl out of her thoughts. Ethel looked at her distracted.

"I asked you why do you keep scratching like that?" Felicity asked eyeing Ethel with suspicious.

"It is just a spot, nothing serious" Ethel told Felicity. Felicity and Gloria looked at one another trying to decide if they believed her.

"That is gross, but I would get changed if I were you, you know Miss Drill doesn't like it when people purposely waste time in her lessons" Gloria suggested to Ethel, knowing she was doing to get into trouble. Miss Drill was not as strict as Miss Hardbroom but one thing the woman wouldn't tolerate is someone wasting time or not trying.

"I don't feel good" Ethel lied. The problem was like in most schools unless you were on your death bed you didn't get out of PE so easily.

"You look alright" Felicity commented, thinking Ethel was acting more strange than normal. The blonde moaned in frustration and scratched her arm harder.

"Are you sure it's not a rash or something? Don't give it to me!" Felicity said to her, quickly pulling her top on and covering her bare arms. Ethel rolled her eyes, the girl was literally so dramatic.

Ethel felt eyes on her from the other end of the room, she could always tell when someone was staring at her. She looked up and saw Mildred, already changed and staring at her curiously.

"What are you staring at Hubble?" Ethel said frustrated, as she always was when Mildred was about. Mildred stared a few more seconds before looking away. Ethel scratched at her arm more, it only seemed to be getting more itchy.

The girl scratched looking at the clock, knowing Miss Drill would soon walk in and ask her why she wasn't dressed. She zoned out, just scratching her shoulder when she heard such a loud shriek of Felicity she almost fell of the bench.

"Do you have to do that!?" Ethel asked her annoyed, glaring at her. Felicity though didn't return her look, she was staring at Ethel's shoulder with horror.

"You are bleeding, eww, blood blood!" Felictiy said pointing at her arm in horror. Ethel looked at her shoulder and saw the girl was right. There was tiny specs of blood that had formed on her shoulder which could be seen through her grey school blouse, Ethel suspected she had scratched so much her scars had opened up again. As Ethel watched the specs grew a little in size. Ethel saw, at Felicity's cry, that the other girls turned around to see what was going on. Ethel covered her shoulder and jumped up from the bench.

She ran to the door as Miss Drill was coming in she ran out, the woman called after her but Ethel ran off, knowing she had to stop anyone else from seeing her arm.

"What is going on here?" Miss Drill asked, looking at Felicity who looked as if she had just seen a mouse with her look of horror.

"Ethel has some rash on her shoulder and it was bleeding" Felicity replied. Dimity shook her head, some of these girls were so sappy at times, she decided to leave Ethel and talk to her later, and no-one noticed in the chaos, Mildred gasping in shock, she suspected it was more than Ethel said, the hard bit would be helping her.

* * *

Ethel ran into the nearest toilets and into a cubicle before she took her top half of to take her arm out of the sleeve. She saw that the scars on her shoulder were red raw and all bleeding quite a bit. The girl took some toilet tissue, dabbed at it and hissed in pain before she looked at the sleeve of her blouse, it was lucky she had ran out when she did because the blood at spread and left quite a large patch on the arm. Ethel put it back on, before rushing to her bedroom, knowing she had to be more careful from now on.

She put on some of the potion to heal and stop the itching and then, She found an old bandage and wrapped it around her arm, putting two layers on in case her shoulder bleed anymore than it had, and then she put on a clean blouse, she only hoped that it would have enough protection not to bleed again. She looked at the time, she had chanting next and she made her way to the classroom, glad Miss Bat was never awake long enough to notice anymore.

Chanting was the same as always, horribly boring and Miss Bat fell asleep after the first song, it felt like it lasted for hours and Ethel was glad to leave.

The girls rushed out as fast as they could for lunch but Ethel took longer as she always did, sorting out the notes she had done for that lesson. As she was putting them in her chanting file she felt the presence of someone next to her, looking up she saw it was Mildred.

"I don't know where Maud and Enid went, I didn't do anything" Ethel told her because Mildred was looking at her as if asking for an explanation.

Mildred shook her head "We need to talk now" she told the girl. Ethel sighed but followed her into an old storeroom, where they won't be overheard.

* * *

"Have you being hurting yourself?" Mildred asked outright. Ethel was clearly taken aback by the question because her eyes went wide.

"No what would make you think that?" Ethel asked surprised.

"My mother is a nurse, I have being with her at work hundreds of times and seen her patch up people with self-harm injuries, I know the symptoms Ethel, even if the other girls are clueless" Mildred told Ethel.

"Are people not allowed to have rashes these days?" Ethel asked but Mildred looked at her confused.

"I thought it was a spot?" the brunette asked. Ethel nodded

"It was but it turned into a rash, my sister and I went to pick some flowers for Esmerelda's birthday, I accidentally picked poison ivy" Ethel told Mildred, knowing it was a better excuse than the spot story she had previously told. Mildred wasn't sure, the sense of denial was worrying.

"Okay then show me" Mildred told her thinking if she had nothing to hide she could show her the rash. Ethel reacted badly.

"No! I am not stripping of in front of you, I don't care if you believe me or not, your opinion is not valued" Ethel shouted before she stormed out the room. Mildred shook her head, knowing that it had only made her worries more prone, the blood on her sleeve, the denial, the scratching, the silly stories, Mildred had a bad feeling Ethel had self inflicted injures, but she would have to have prove before she told anyone, or it could end in tears.


	14. Chapter 14 - Hiding

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Chapter Fourteen

**Hiding**

"Oww you stood on my foot!" Maud complained to Enid as they huddled together outside Ethel's bedroom door, Mildred turned around and told them to be quiet.

"She will hear you!" Mildred said knowing they were supposed to be hiding. Enid looked at her friend curiously.

"Remind me again what we are doing?" she asked confused.

"I told you, I am about 90% sure Ethel is self harming, I am trying to find evidence to that fact" Mildred told her friends.

"But why do you care so much? I mean we aren't friends with her" Maud replied not understanding her friends logic

"Because it is really dangerous to self-harm, you can hit a vein and cut of your blood supply, or lose to much blood, I don't want it on my conscious I knew when she ends up in hospital" Mildred replied ducking down as Ethel left her room.

"Let's follow her!" Mildred said excited.

"She is just going to the bathroom!" Enid replied as the girl walked into the nearest toilets. Mildred sighed, she really thought she was going to go somewhere else.

"Loads of people hurt themselves in the toilets" Mildred told her friends, knowing a lot of people saw it as a safe haven.

"Then you go watch what she is doing, I would rather not!" Maud said, thinking this whole thing was ridiculous and leaving with Enid. Mildred sighed, they didn't understand.

Ethel though was not stupid. She knew perfectly well Mildred was spying on her, but she was pretending not to know. It amused her seeing Mildred sneaking around, in the worse hiding place she could find, and trying to find evidence of her self-harming.

Ethel did still self harm, but at night when everyone was asleep, when it was dark and she couldn't be seen. It was something she needed to do, and Mildred Hubble of all people was not going to stop her.

* * *

The problem was, it was not just Mildred she had to avoid, it was Sybil. After her arm had bled in PE, it had, like nearly everything at Cackles, being spread around the school by the next day, Sybil had come up to Ethel in the corridor, looking concerned.

"Is this rumour about your arm bleeding in PE true?" Sybil asked, looking at her sister concerned for her health.

"Yes, but so what? People get injured everyday, I don't see what the big deal is" Ethel asked playing off it wasn't important.

"But not for our age, we aren't running around and getting cut knees, plus It happened out of nowhere" Sybil said following her sister who had started to walk down the corridor.

"It was just a cut, I fell of my broomstick that morning and hurt myself, if I had known people were going to make such a big deal out of this, I would of gone to the nurse straight away" Ethel commented, frustrated.

"People are saying it was a rash" Sybil said questioning her sister and her story.

"People never talk truthfully around here, I cut my arm a little on a bush, but people like Felicity made a much bigger deal out of it then it needed to be" Ethel lied

"Ethel if there is a problem you need to tell me" Sybil told her sister, worried she was sick and hiding something. Ethel shook her head.

"There isn't anything" Ethel told her sister annoyed. She knew this was her chance to admit it but she couldn't, she couldn't upset her sisters anymore than she already had, this was her problem, and no-one else had to get hurt because of it.

"If you are sure" Sybil replied with a sigh.

"Perfectly, please don't worry Sybil, it is just something people took out of proportion" Sybil told her sister. Sybil was still suspicious but knew pushing her would not help, Ethel was stubborn, she was not going to talk unless she wanted too.

With Mildred now on her case and now Sybil, it was proving difficult for Ethel to hide what she was doing, she only wished people noticed her so much when she was doing something good.

* * *

Unfortunately for Ethel though, things still never went the way she wanted them too. That same afternoon, she had a flying lesson with Miss Drill and the rest of the girls in her year, she made her way to the grounds like always and was enjoying her time in the air when she suddenly saw Mildred flying of course, she rolled her eyes, wondering how the girl had no sense of direction but then she realised Mildred was looking at something. Ethel looked up and saw something was flying towards them. It looked like a giant bird, it seemed the other girls had noticed because a lot of the girls started to panic, it was a huge bird, the biggest Ethel had ever seen and before Ethel knew it Enid crashed into her and she was tumbling to the ground.

Miss Drill saw her students falling and quickly broke their falls with a spell, but Ethel landed under a bunch of girls who landed on her arm which got twisted as she fell. The girl hissed as she felt pain in her arm, not sure if it was sprained or broken, but it didn't matter, either way it was painful.

Some of the girls had minor injuries and Miss Drill send them to the nurse, Ethel resisted the urge to hold her sore arm, she couldn't let anyone know she was hurt, because this was the arm she had cut and the nurse would ask questions.

The rest of the day, Ethel hid her injury, it was only when she was in her bedroom she allowed herself to cry in pain, she had no idea what she had done but it was killing her. She held it as she sat on her bed, wishing she had hurt the other arm.

"I can't go to the nurse, she will ask questions about the scars" Ethel said clutching her arm to herself. Nightstar meowed at her, knowing she had something wrong with her arm.

"I can't do anything about it Nightstar, the nurse will ask questions, I will just have to deal with it" Ethel said clutching her sore arm, knowing she just had to pretend everything was okay, even if her pain was becoming unbearable.


	15. Chapter 15 - A Helping Hand

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Chapter Fifteen

**A Helping Hand**

Ethel thought hiding her pain would be easy but the problem was it was her left arm which was hurting and that was her writing hand, in class when no-one was looking she would clutch at her arm which was super painful. She knew whatever she had done she had a bad injury, it was not just the pain, overnight her arm swelled and bruised.

The pain brought her close to tears sometimes, but she had to be strong. She couldn't go to the nurse as the woman would take one look at her and tell everyone she was self-harming. She couldn't risk it even if her arm might be fractured or worse broken.

She was currently sitting in her room, clutching her arm and hoping the pain relief she had taken would wear in soon, she had never broken a limb before because out of the three sisters she was the less clumsy, (Esmie got clumsy when she got overexcited) and she was not used to the pain, she gritted her teeth, hoping it hurt because it was just bruised and it would go away soon.

Suddenly the girl jumped as someone knocked. Ethel let go off her arm and told the person to come in. It was the one person she didn't want to see.

"Oh what do you want Mildred?" Ethel asked in to much pain to deal with Mildred right now. Mildred stepped into the room looking worried.

"Is your arm okay? It looked like it was hurting you in potions" Mildred said having noticed the girl clutching her arm to her chest, like many people do when they break a limb.

"I just fell on it yesterday when we fell of our broomsticks, I just sprained it is fine" Ethel told Mildred, wanting the girl to leave and stop asking her questions.

"So you have being to the nurse?" Mildred asked feeling more relieved now she knows Ethel has had professional care.

"Oh yeah yeah, went this morning" Ethel lied standing up and walking over to her desk to get a book she wanted.

"Why do I get the impression you are lying?" Mildred asked. Ethel was amazing at lying yes but Mildred just got the feeling she was lying in the back of her head.

"I don't know Mildred, because I am not, now was there anything else?" Ethel asked rudely towards the brunette.

"Ethel if you haven't being to the nurse you need to go now, if your arm is broken it will never heal properly if you don't go, people end up with deformities, or infections or misalignments and it can stop the joints working properly and cause all sorts of problems because of it!"" Mildred said knowing Ethel was going down a dangerous road of avoiding the nurse. Her mum had treated people before with untreated broken bones, either because they had no access to health care at the time or were in an abusive home where they could not seek help, and it never ended well.

"I am fine, I don't need to see the stupid nurse, just go away and leave me alone!" Ethel shouted defensibly, not wanting to discuss this with Mildred.

"But Ethel..." Mildred said, worried for the girl now she knew she was not getting her arm sorted.

"Oh just get lost!" Why do you have to be the most annoying person on the planet?" Ethel asked harshly and angrily. Mildred sighed, wondering if she should go get nurse to go herself but right now she needed to leave Ethel to calm down.

"Fine have it your way" Mildred told her hurt by Ethel's words towards her. Mildred left the bedroom, but did not take more than three steps from the doorway when she heard the sound of something falling and glass smashing, Mildred turned back around and rushed back in to see what had happened.

* * *

A broken photo frame, covered in glass fragments, was lying on the floor, by Ethel's reaction to this Mildred did not suspect she had thrown it in anger. The blonde was touching the frame, trying desperately to reach the picture inside, but all she doing was slicing her hand, Mildred could already see her hand was full of blood, the girl closed Ethel's door quickly to stop any intruders being nosy before springing into action.

"Ethel stop you are cutting your hand, leave it!" Mildred told her trying to move Ethel's hand away from the broken glass, Ethel though was upset.

"No I need the picture!" Ethel told her moving more glass away and only cutting her hands more to ribbons.

"No Ethel stop, we can worry about that later, look at your hand!" Ethel told Ethel. Ethel lifted her hand and saw the bloody mess that the multiple cuts of the glass had made, it was completely covered in blood, Mildred though luckily was not screamish.

She gently took Ethel by the arm which wasn't bleeding and moved her out the way, looking around.

"Where do you keep your first aid kit?" Mildred asked.

All the girls were issued with one when they started which contained plasters and bandages and other basics for minor injures so they did not need to go to the nurse each time they got a cut or scape.

"Leave it, I will just wash my hand it isn't a big deal" Ethel told Mildred. The brunette though glared at her.

"You have a choice, you can let me try to clean your hand up as best as I can or I am marching you straight to the nurse" Mildred told her not giving the girl a choice, she was getting medical attention whether she wanted it or not.

"In the drawer under my desk" Ethel said with a sigh. She would rather Mildred did it than the nurse, at least she didn't have access to be able to contact her parents.

Mildred walked over and took out the small green case of the first aid kit, opening it she saw that there wasn't much in there, a few plasters and some bandage that looked already used, because of the frayed edges. Mildred only worried the lack of stuff meant Ethel had used it because of her cutting, most girls never even need to replenish the stock in five years.

"Stay here" Mildred told her leaving her bedroom and quickly rushing to hers, grabbing her own first aid kit and going back to the room. Ethel was sat on her bed now, her hand bleeding everywhere and going everywhere.

* * *

"I am not a professional at this, but I have being trained in first aid, the nurses taught me during the summer when I had to go with mum to work" Mildred told her sitting down on Ethel's desk chair to start to clean her hand.

"Give me your arm" Mildred told her knowing she better start before her bedroom started to look like a crime scene with the amount of blood there was. Ethel kept her arm to her chest.

"Come on Ethel, you can't leave your hand like that" Mildred told her. Ethel sighed and reluctantly held out her hand. Mildred got some cold compresses and started to pad away at the blood, but Ethel flinched and sprang her arm back in seconds.

"Sorry...your arm hurts doesn't it…let me have a look" Mildred said figuring she must as well look at her arm as well.

"No don't touch it" Ethel said with tear filled eyes. Mildred felt sad, Ethel was normally the one who refused to show vulnerability.

"I can't, if you won't go to the nurse I need to look, please Ethel" Mildred told her.

Ethel unbuttoned the button on her sleeve and with difficulty (because of the pain and the wet blood making her sleeve heavier) she rolled up her sleeve.

Mildred stared at the mess of Ethel's arm and injuries. Her arm was black with bruises, swelled and on her shoulder she had cuts, confirming to Mildred she was cutting herself, she could tell by looking at them what they were.

Ethel was past caring though, she didn't care if Mildred saw, she didn't care who saw. Mildred shook her head, wondering how Ethel had being walking around like this since yesterday.

"Ethel!" Mildred said sadly, looking at the mess of the girls arm and realising there was no point in fixing her hand, her arm would still be injured. "Why?" Mildred said not asking anything else, Ethel only shrugged, clearly she didn't trust Mildred enough to tell her anything when she hadn't told anyone else.

"Right I am taking you to the nurse right now" Mildred told her but Ethel shook her head.

"No she will tell the teachers and they will tell my parents and sisters" Ethel told Mildred upset. Mildred though shook her head.

"You need help Ethel, come on I will come with you" she said before seeing her hand was still bleeding everywhere. "But I will patch your hand first, or we wont get to the nurse without someone calling an ambulance...or the police" Mildred told the girl, cleaning the blood of the girl's hand gently. Ethel was surprised she was being so gentle, this was her chance to cause her pain like she caused Mildred. She had no idea why the girl was being like this with her, she didn't deserve it.

"Thank you" Ethel said quietly. Mildred smiled slightly but none of them said anything else, Mildred concentrated on cleaning up the blood, put a bandage around her hand and then left so Ethel could change because the blood had gotten on her uniform and she couldn't walk around the school like that . When she went back in she had expected Ethel to try to run, but she didn't, she walked with Mildred to the nurse, knowing there was no point fighting anymore because she would be forced to go when Mildred told someone anyway, but Ethel did have a question.

"Why are you helping me?" she asked the girl, suspiciously

"Because despite what you think I don't hate you, and I don't want you hurt, even if we don't always get on" Mildred replied, with a small smile, truthfully.


	16. Chapter 16 - Medical Care

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Chapter Sixteen

**Medical Care**

Mildred led Ethel to the nurse, at one point she tried to place a reassuring hand on her shoulder but Ethel flinched out of her touch and Mildred sighed, the Hallows were so awkward with physical contact at times.

"Sorry Ethel" Mildred said as they arrived at the nurse, who took one look at Ethel's arm and immediately set to work.

"We will need to inform your parents" the nurse told her. The woman was stern but very nice, and cared for the girls wellbeing.

"No….they will disown me" Ethel said tears falling down her face.

Mildred wondered if that had any truth to it whatsoever. Yes Mr and Mrs Hallow were as cold as an ice cold glass of water but would they really disown their own daughter for this? After all Ethel self-harming and being so depressed meant she must be suffering from some sort of mental illness, something that Ethel could not help, and with the right treatment could start to recover. Mildred shook and felt her stomach hurt as she realised disowning Ethel is exactly what they would do, mental illness to the Hallow name would bring shame to it.

"I am sorry dear, I am obliged to tell" the nurse told her. Ethel only cried, scared of what was going to happen to her. Mildred though thought of a compromise and voiced it.

"How about we tell her sisters instead?" Mildred suggested knowing they won't disown Ethel, just be upset.

"I am sorry, I need to inform the adult in charge of her if she is self-harming, and unfortunately the arm is broken" The nurse told Ethel gently, Ethel if anything was relived.

"Just treat it, it hurts so badly" Ethel said to the woman.

"Look, we are not saying her parents will never know but we don't have to tell them straight away, if we tell a teacher, then she will be able to be given help" Mildred went on, feeling bad her arm was broken though.

"I could lose my job if I don't report this" the woman said. Ethel sighed and nodded.

"It's okay….tell them...they will find out eventually anyway" Ethel said with a sigh. The nurse turned to Mildred.

"Thank you for bringing her, can you tell Miss Cackle to call her parents? I need to check her over some more" the nurse said. Mildred nodded and left, but she did not go to Miss Cackle. The woman would only make the situation worse. Mildred did not know much about the Hallow girls homelife but she knew Ethel might be barred from the family for this. So she didn't go to Miss Cackle, she went to find Miss Drill, the only teacher who had ever shown any care towards Ethel.

* * *

Mildred found the woman in question in the sports cupboard, putting away some equipment from her lessons earlier, Mildred called her to get her attention, the woman turned and smiled.

"Are you alright Mildred?" the woman asked, knowing students didn't usually come to the storeroom unless there was a problem.

Mildred couldn't help it, she had being holding it in but she couldn't anymore, she started to cry gently.

"Mildred what is wrong?" Miss Drill asked abandoning what she was doing and going to the brunette, wrapping an arm around her.

"It's Ethel" Mildred said crying. Miss Drill sighed, knowing the girls were always fighting and wondering if Ethel had pulled another prank.

"Have you two being fighting again?" Miss Drill asked, thinking Ethel must have done something to upset Mildred, she still remembered the prank where she told Mildred Mr-Rowan Webb was her grandad.

"She hasn't done anything….well not to me anyway….Miss she is self-harming" Mildred said crying a bit more, she didn't know why she was so upset, after all her and Ethel were not friends, but it didn't mean she wanted to see her hurt and deep down Mildred knew her and Ethel shared a bond, they just had got off to the wrong foot though instead they fight instead of trying to get to know each other.

Miss Drill wanted to say she was shocked, but after Sybil had come to her upset a few weeks earlier, she wasn't, she had had suspicious but without evidence could not do anything.

"Are you sure?" Miss Drill asked Mildred concerned.

Mildred nodded "I saw them, and I took her to the nurse and she confirmed it, she hurt her arm when we fell of our broomsticks in class yesterday and she was refusing medical help" Mildred told the woman. Miss Drill sighed, feeling bad Ethel was hurt in her lesson, but knowing it could only of bring worse.

"Mildred, I really am glad you told me, but it is Miss Cackle you need to inform, she is the headmistress after all" Dimity told Mildred. The girl shook her head.

"Miss Cackle doesn't care and won't care about what Ethel is doing, and she will call her parents that is the one thing she asked not to do" Mildred replied wiping her eyes, calming down a little.

"Mildred they need to know..." the woman said knowing they were useless but as her parents in this situation they had to be informed.

"Please Miss, they will only make things worse, Ethel is delicate right now, and then coming down hard on her won't help, can't we try sort it ourselves without resorting to them?" Mildred asked.

Miss Drill sighed but knew Ethel's life would be made hell when her parents found out, so she agreed.

"Alright, but I want to talk to Ethel, I think she should inform Esmerelda and Sybil at least" the woman said as she made her way to the hospital bay with Mildred in tow.

* * *

When Mildred and Dimity walked into the hospital bay, they found Ethel there, her arm being placed in plaster. Being witches they could heal broken bones by magic but the nurse was worried about the severity of the break so for extra protection was wrapping it in plaster.

"Mildred informed me what happened, are you alright Ethel?" Dimity asked, more worried than before.

"I am sorry miss….I didn't mean to start harming myself, I was just upset...then it became an addiction" Ethel said looking at the floor, suddenly interested in her shoes.

"Have you being feeling sad?" Miss Drill asked, noticing the girl has being much more quiet this year.

Ethel nodded. "I miss Esmie, and I feel guilty about what happened and..I don't know it just kept getting worse" Ethel admitted with a sigh. Glad Mildred had found Miss Drill and not Miss Useless Cackle.

"Can you give us a moment? I need to talk to Ethel about something" Dimity said to the nurse, the woman nodded and left to see to another patient. Miss Drill took the opportunity to tell her their about her decision.

"I have agreed not to tell your parents" the woman said, Ethel smiled relieved.

"Thank you" She said grateful for that

"But I want you to tell your sisters, they deserve to know this" Miss Drill said. Ethel sighed.

"I don't know if I can" Ethel said sadly, not wanting to upset them.

"You need their support Ethel, you have to tell them, I can call Esmie in and we can tell them together if you want" the woman said. Ethel smiled feeling slightly better at that, but she was worried how her sisters would react. She had caused them enough hurt over the years, she didn't want to hurt them anymore, but she agreed, knowing she had no choice.


	17. Chapter 17 - The Truth

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Chapter Seventeen

**The Truth**

Esmerelda was called to come to the school, as she was told Ethel had to talk to her about something in person, somehow the girl arrived within ten minutes, even though she had no magic so couldn't of flown or transferred. Miss Drill didn't even ask how she did it, when it came to her sisters Esmerelda seemed to be able to move faster than sound itself.

"Oh Esmerelda, how are you?" Miss Drill asked happy to see the eldest. Esmerelda panted and held up a hand to tell her to give her a minute. Miss Drill wondered if she had ran all the way to the school, but then she figured no-one would be so crazy, then again this was Esmerelda, she was nutty about her sisters.

"Right in this moment, exhausted" Esmeralda told the woman "Where are my sisters?" Esmerelda asked looking around as if they were going to appear from thin air, just as she said that a door opened and she heard the voice of Sybil.

"ESMIE" The girl shouted. She ran to her eldest sister and flew into her arms, Esmie entangled her in a hug and smiled.

"SYBIE-WITHIE, ooo I missed you" Esmie said squeezing her, they hugged for a few minutes before they pulled away and Esmie turned to Miss Drill.

"Do you know where Ethel is? What did she want to talk to us about?" Esmerelda asked.

"She is in the hospital wing so.." Miss Drill started but never got to finish because as soon as she said the words 'Hospital Wing' Esmerelda went into full blown mother mode.

"THE HOSPITAL WING, ETHIE IS HURT" She shouted running so fast Miss Drill blinked and the girl was no longer in the corridor, it would be amusing if the situation wasn't so serious, but the woman sighed and made her way to the hospital wing.

* * *

Ethel was just about to be discharged when she suddenly heard a noise like a herd of Elephants running down the corridor, Ethel looked around to see what it was when the door burst open and Esmie burst in followed by a panting Sybil, who had ran to keep up with her older sister. Ethel had no time to take in who was there because suddenly she was pulled into a tight hug.

"Esmie" Ethel said happily, hissing to herself as her arm brushed against her sister's back, Esmie pulled back and saw Ethel's arm and looked horrified.

"Your arm!" she said thinking of nothing worse than one of her sisters being broken.

"Accident in flying class, the whole class fell long story" Ethel said. Sybil looked close to tears but it was Esmerelda who actually started crying.

"Don't be upset, it will heal" Ethel told her sister, wondering how she would ever tell her about the cutting when she had this reaction to an injury she didn't cause. Miss Drill entered, spoke to the nurse and then turned to the sisters.

"Ethel needs to talk to you two in private, we can use an empty classroom, follow me" Miss Drill said, Esmie followed still crying, and Sybil was starting to sniff. Ethel sighed looking at the ground as she walked, wondering if she could risk slipping away so she didn't have to face this.

They walked into the chanting classroom and Miss Drill put some chairs out so they could all sit down. Ethel sat down, but had no words, for once she was mute.

"What is going on?" Sybil asked worried about what Ethel needed to talk to them about. The middle girl looked at her sisters and gulped.

"Tell us Ethie, you can tell us anything Ethie-Weathie" Esmerelda replied, seeing Ethel was struggling to talk about this, which only wonrried the eldest blonde.

* * *

Ethel looked at her sister's not sure if she could break their hearts with what she had to tell them, she bit her lip, feeling stuck.

"Ethie it's okay, just take your time to think of the words" Sybil told her even if she was worried. Ethel looked at Miss Drill before turning back to her sisters.

"A couple of weeks ago, there was rumours going around the school I was self-harming, and those rumours are true" Ethel told them, thinking of the easiest way to phrase it.

"What? Why?" Sybil asked after a few minutes of the girls sitting in silence. Tears now falling down her face.

"I have being feeling bad mentally, my mind is messed up, I just always feel sad and worthless, I missed Esmerelda and you know I hate being in this school as it is" Ethel said before turning to Miss Drill.

"No offence Miss" Ethel said knowing it was nothing to do with the woman herself why she felt this way. Miss Drill raised a hand as if to tell her she hadn't taken offence, it was clear to anyone Ethel did not particularly like Cackles.

"Why did you not tell us?" Esmerelda said now crying more than before, blaming herself for her absence and Ethel's downward spiral.

"I didn't know how" Ethel said becoming upset herself meaning all three girls were now crying "I just find everything difficult and it is my problems, I didn't want to force them on you when you already have your own problems" Ethel told her sisters, not knowing how to put exactly how she felt into words.

Esmerelda got up and walked to her sister, cuddling her tight. She hated being away from her sisters because deep down she knew something like this was going to happen, Ethel was barely coping the year previously when she had being there to look after her, and the problem was Ethel felt uncomfortable in both school and home, she didn't feel like she had a proper place that felt like home.

"I'm sorry" Ethel said into her sister's shoulder as they hugged and she felt Sybil come her other side to hug her too.

"You don't have to be sorry, it isn't your fault Ethel" Esmerelda told her sister before pulling away, the three sisters all crying and a mess.

"I don't want to tell mum and dad, you know this will only bring shame on the family" Ethel sighed, hoping her sisters would agree with her. They nodded, knowing their parents would not try to understand this.

"They don't need to know, they will make things more horrible" Sybil said crying and hugging her sister.

"I have agreed not to tell them, but I am going to put Ethel forward for some counselling, your sister is going to need your support" Miss Drill told the girls.

"Always" Esmerelda told her before something came to her mind "Is your arm actually broken or is it because..." she asked trailing of at the end as it hurt to think about what Ethel was doing to herself.

"Oh no, that is true, just happened to be the same arm, Mildred was the one who forced me to go to the nurse, she suspected weeks ago" Ethel told her sisters, who looked at each other, amazed Ethel had not refused the help.

"By that point I was at the end of the line, I didn't care who helped anymore" Ethel replied, knowing what her sisters were thinking.

"We will thank her later, and I am sorry for leaving it is my fault" Esmerelda replied with a sigh.

"No Esmie, this has being building for years, it was always going to happen" Ethel said truthfully, knowing this situation had being just waiting to happen, all these years Ethel had being trying not to reach breaking point and finally she had reached it, it wouldn't of mattered if Esmerelda was there or not, it might of delayed it but Ethel could feel her mind and thoughts getting worse, she knew one day she would always of ended up in the situation she is in now.


	18. Chapter 18 - Looking Up

A/N: Yes this is the last chapter, more for the reason I can't really think of more content for this. Yes I could write about her counselling sessions but frankly I think they will only become boring. Thank you as always for all your support and this is based on the stargate time traveller's one shot titled 'Doing what the teachers should be doing'. I believed this was the best ending for my story and I will have more stories coming up soon. Thank you and enjoy.

* * *

Chapter Eighteen

**Looking Up**

Miss Drill found a conseller for Ethel, even though it meant Ethel had to sneak off every Saturday to attend, no-one noticed because she was allowed to leave at the weekends, Esmerelda also sneaked out the house to meet Ethel. It was a little harder for Sybil because her friends were suspicious but she always managed to meet her sisters too. In all honesty her sisters had being amazing, always making sure Ethel had their support.

It was a hard habit to break. Cutting herself gave her relief, but Ethel was willing to try to stop, for the sake of her sisters but most of all herself. And speaking to the counsellor helped Ethel more than she thought.

"I used to self-harm too" the counsellor told Ethel, showing her some old scars so Ethel knew she wasn't just trying to pretend to understand.

"What made you stop?" Ethel asked her curiously.

"I realised cutting myself would not change the thing I was running away from, the issues I had would still be there afterwards, I was only prolonging them, instead of cutting I tried to fix the issues I had and I realised most of them were not as bad as I thought" her counsellor told her. Ethel though sighed.

"Mine are worse" Ethel sighed knowing she couldn't fix the problems she had so easily.

"Trust me, they aren't as bad as you think" her counsellor told her.

With her arm set in plaster it made things that much harder for Ethel. She was left-handed and that was the one she broke, it made it hard to do anything simple and some of the teachers, like Miss Drill and Miss Bat were prepared to give her help, others like HB expected her to work the same as normal. Then there was the fact Maud and Enid kept glaring at her because they thought she was taking their best friend but it did make Ethel remember she had to thank Mildred, so that same night she knocked on her door.

* * *

"Come in" Mildred said from the other side sounding a little upset, Ethel walked in slowly and awkwardly.

"Erm...I just need to say thanks for...you know helping me see sense" Ethel said to Mildred, feeling like the pact between them had broken somehow but she still felt awkward.

"How is the counselling going? Is it helping?" Mildred asked. Ethel nodded.

"It seems to be but it is going to take some time, but I have a feeling things would of gotten worse if you hadn't of stopped me so thanks..." Ethel said quietly.

"Of course Ethel, I don't want you to be hurt, maybe this means we can try to stop fighting?" Mildred suggested, hoping Ethel would finally realise she was not the enemy. Ethel sighed.

"Your friends hate me, I don't want to break your friendship up" Ethel said, knowing in the end Mildred would end up having to choose and it wasn't fair on her.

"My friends are not five years old, they would have to learn to deal with it, remember how much they hated each other at first? And now they are the best of friends, I know it would take longer with you because we have history but I believe they would come around eventually" Mildred explained to Ethel. The blonde didn't know whether that was true or not.

"I don't know...it's being so long..." Ethel said with a sigh, not knowing if she could just change her views on Mildred.

"And this can't go on forever, what we going to hate each other in college, after college, try to ruin each other weddings because we hate one another, make it so our children become enemies, I for one don't want that to happen Ethel, I am tired of fighting, I am sorry I ruined your potion at the entrance exam and you lost the head of year status because of it, I never meant to hurt anyone, I was just unaware of what would happen" Mildred told Ethel knowing this all came back to that day they had first met, it was what made Ethel at least hate Mildred.

"I thought you and Maud planned it, we already weren't getting on, I thought you decided to get rid of me before I even started school because then you wouldn't have to deal with me anymore" Ethel admitted and Mildred gasped she couldn't help it. All these years Ethel had said nothing, she hadn't thought it was because she thought it was done in spite, but because she just was angry she lost out.

"Oh Ethel, that isn't true, maybe we weren't getting on but I wouldn't of done that to you, or Esmerelda I know she would of being upset, I am sorry you thought that but I had no idea what I was doing, anyway if I had planned it why would I admit what I did?" Mildred asked Ethel.

Ethel moved her eyes, clearly forgetting that part, she had convinced herself it was all planned but Mildred was right if she had planned it she never would of admitted she messed up Ethel's potion when it meant she could of got thrown out too, and she did get thrown out, she would have had to go home if the whole thing with Agatha had not happened.

"I am sorry, I just am used to people messing me around, I thought it was just the same as always, people playing sick games, and I am sorry for always being such a bitch towards you, it just made me feel better venting my anger and hurt on someone else" Ethel admitted

* * *

"I thought when I first met you that was all you were, another bully but then I saw the hurt underneath and knew you had issues, that was when my hatred for you started to go and I don't hate you now" Mildred told the girl. Ethel sighed and went to sit next to Mildred.

"I took things to far again and I am sorry, I don't like hurting people, it killed me what I did to Esmerelda..." Ethel started.

"Almost literally" Mildred replied knowing Ethel's pit of depression had being dangerous.

"Yes and next time someone could end up dying, I don't want that to happen because of my jealously issues that are no-one's fault" Ethel told Mildred knowing now, starting to realise, her sisters were not to blame for the way her parents treated her and they couldn't force them to change, and just because they happened to be treated better did not mean she should take it out on them.

"I have tried to tell you that before..." Mildred said and Ethel nodded.

"You and everyone else, but I didn't want to listen, I am stubborn and think I always know best" Ethel replied, Mildred laughed at this.

"That isn't a secret I knew that already" Mildred joked, knowing the girl's stubborn streak could annoy the most level headed person at times, but Mildred turned serious in the next second.

"Ethel you have the one thing I have always wanted, siblings, don't take them for granted or push them away, you don't know how lucky you are" Mildred told her. Ethel stared at her shocked.

"Wait….you are jealous of me?" Ethel asked unable to believe it.

"Yes, I just don't show it, what is the point, it won't change anything, but I always feel a tad of jealously when I see you three together, I am the only child in my family, I don't even have cousins, growing up totally alone is so lonely, friends aren't the same, they haven't being there since the beginning and many won't be there until the end" Mildred explained.

"I am sorry..." Ethel said now feeling bad

"For what? It isn't your fault, but it does anger me when you treat your sisters like dirt, I would give anything to have a sibling, you shouldn't take them for granted" Mildred told her, Ethel nodded and looked at the brunette.

"We both have being jealous of each other and fighting for stupid reasons, you are right I don't want to gone on hating each other, it is exhausting and won't change anything" Ethel explained before she carried on "So maybe we can be civil and then eventually maybe friends, but that will take time" Ethel told her, knowing it would take a long time for them to get to know each other well enough to be friends, especially because Ethel was not one to open up much.

"That sounds amazing Ethel" Mildred said offering her hand to shake. Ethel looked a little confused so Mildred grabbed her hand and shook it "It is a non-magical thing" Mildred explained. Ethel smiled but a proper smile and Mildred knew the feud was broken.

It would take a long time for Ethel to heal but she had her sisters and now Mildred' support, she knew deep down she would be okay. She had two choices, let her mental issues win or change them, she knew she would have to be brave and strong but she was prepared to do that, with love and support she could get through it and she hoped in the end she will become a better person and now she realised, things always looked up in the end somehow and she couldn't wait to see what else would change. Yes she missed Esmerelda but she realised she had her support even when she wasn't there and with that, Ethel promised herself to get better no matter how long it took.


End file.
